This movie has some of the funniest lines of any movie I've ever seen. I'd put it as my third-favorite comedy (after Some Like It Hot and His Girl Friday).
Pete: Who elected you leader o' this outfit?
Everett: Well, Pete, I figured it should be the one with a capacity for abstract thought, but if that ain't the consensus view, then hell, let's put it to a vote!
Pete: Suits me. I'm votin' fer yours truly!
Everett: I'm votin' fer yours truly, too!
Delmar: Well, I'm with you fellers.
Pete: You stole from my kin!
Everett: Who was fixin' to betray us.
Pete: You didn't know that at the time!
Everett: So I borrowed it until I did know!
Pete (momentarily perplexed): That don't make no sense!
Everett: Pete, it's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart.
Everett: Well, it didn't look like a one-horse town, but try findin' a decent hair jelly!
Wash Hogwallup: Sorry, Pete, I know we're kin, but they got this dee-pression on, and I got ta do fer me an' mine!
Pete: I'll kill you... Judas... Iscariot... Hogwallup!
Everett: Well, ain't this place just a geographical oddity! Two weeks from everywhere!
Wash's Boy (after firing a warning shot over the Wanderers' heads): You men from the bank?
Delmar: No, son.
Wash's Boy: My daddy tole me I'm to shoot whoever's from the bank.
Delmar: We ain't from the bank, young feller.
Wash's Boy: I'm also s'posed to shoot anyone servin' papers. You servin' papers?
Delmar: We ain't servin' papers, neither.
Wash's Boy: I nicked the census man!
Delmar: There's a good boy.
Pete: They never did turn me into no toad.
Delmar: Sorry, Pete, that was our mistake.
Everett: Say, Cousin Wash, I guess it'd be the acme of foolishness to inquire if you had a hairnet.
Wash: There's some in yon' bureau. Mrs. Hogwallup's, before she done R-U-N-N-O-F-T.
That's just a taste. It's absurd that I don't own this great movie! Something must be done.