In Which I Unexpectedly Post a Picture of Kanye

(First: I lied.  I know I said I'd publish a follow-up to the Titus 2 post but I totally forgot and then didn't have time.  I'll try to get it wrapped up and published tomorrow.  Sorry.)

In the Facebook comments from the last post, a friend summarized the advice columnist's attempt at guiding the letter-writer thusly: "(1) grow up, (2) get to know her, (3) get married."  All excellent advice except for step two which is, alas, hopelessly vague.  Twenty or thirty years ago, there wouldn't have been any vagueness, because "get to know her" would have meant one thing: "ask her on a date."  Now?  Not so much.

And that's where the trouble lies.  When you combine all the varying advice young single people have been given, what you end up with is a mire of confusion, mixed signals, indecision, and heartbreak.  Seriously, how do you make a game plan out of that? 

Here's just a taste of the kind of advice I've received or heard over the last ten years or so:

Don't date. Dating is bad; Joshua Harris said so and if a 19-year-old kid says something in a book (!!!) that got published (!!!!!), it's probably true.  Get to know people only in a big group.  But it's a bad sign if you "struggle" with too much attraction toward one person, because that's lust and it's bad, so go after someone you feel really ambivalent toward.  Lack of attraction is HOLY, you guys.

Know beyond a shadow of a doubt whether he/she is "the one" before you make a move.  Be friends first, probably for at least a year, for some reason involving "seasons of life."  

Guys, you don't have to step up and take the lead until you're officially dating, so don't define the relationship until she breaks down crying in your car one day from pent-up frustration and disappointment.  And then tell her that you're just not in a season of life to be dating anyone.  Because your life situation has to be perfect and complication-free before you can be in a relationship of any kind.  

Ladies, allow your nurturing instinct free rein and make sure to be available to your guy friends around the clock, and definitely don't limit your accessibility to a guy you're interested in!  It's ok for "friends" to spend lots of one-on-one time together as long as they don't call it "dating" -- because dating is bad, remember?  If you're attracted to a guy, it means you should spend more time with him dropping hints.  If you're not attracted to him, that's ok.  You can still hang out with him all the time and tell him your guy troubles until someone better comes along.

Don't move too fast or you'll regret it.  But if you struggle with sexual temptation in your months- or years-long pseudo-dating awkwardness stew of a relationship, you'll probably be a social outcast and disqualify yourself from ministry forever.

AUGH.

So now, once and for all, let me make this as clear as possible.  The best way to get to know someone... 

You know what?  Let Kanye break it down for you.

Seven Links

(via Problogger)


1. My first post.  Well, this is a really thrilling way to start off, let me tell you.  Or something.  When I first started "It's a Blog" more than five (!!!) years ago, I did so with the purpose of keeping in touch with and praying for the kids I worked with in summer camping ministry.  The very first post was a kickoff of sorts, to welcome and encourage them to talk to God with their brains turned on. 

2. A post I enjoyed writing a lot.  SO MUCH!  This is what cranks me up, people: theology.  A friend of mine emailed me a couple of links to articles about the sovereignty of God, and I wrote this post in response.  Seriously, loved, loved writing it.  I got to use all my fancy seminary education AND the phrase "some pretty sexy contortionism" to describe someone's lousy exegesis of an Old Testament passage.  Yeah, buddy.

3. A post with a great discussion.  I'm going to go with "series" rather than "post."  The "Q & A" series I did almost two years ago!  Sunriiiiise, Sunset!  Sunriiiiise, Sunset!  Ahem.  That series had a few really insightful and interesting comments and it provoked a couple of really good off-blog discussions too.

4. A post on someone else's blog I wish I'd written.  Again, I'm going to do a series -- Timmy Brister (who, as I've said before, is constantly writing stuff I wish I'd written) did an extensive series on his blog a couple years bad titled "Blue-Collar Theology" that I not only wish I'd written, I wish anyone had written it thirty years ago!  The modern church's neglect of the importance of the ordinary Christian life is scandalous and its exaltation of "career ministry" is as Vatican I as it gets.  Timmy presents a compelling case, and a pretty comprehensive syllabus, for the theological education of the average pew-sitter.

5. My most helpful post.  Well, it has the word "helpful" in the title, doesn't it? 

6. A post with a title I'm proud of.  AND it's about Christian hip-hop!  Coincidentally (ha), Shai Linne, whom I mention in this post, and his lovely new bride Blair were in Louisville this past weekend.  I was blessed to be able to meet them both.  Shai helped lead worship at the evening services, and gave the dopest benediction ever, reducing the (usually dangerously high) honky levels in our young suburban congregation by 100%.

7. A post I wish more people had read.  I am SO not the only person who grew up in the church who struggled with legalism, and I wish this one had gotten a little more mileage.

So, friends, any thoughts?  Feel free to post them here or on the posts I've linked!  Thanks for reading!