Classroom Quotes From The Last Few Days

David: "He took a nap."
Me: "If by 'took a nap' you mean 'went crazy and killed himself,' then yes."
David: "That's exactly what I meant."

Hannah: "They tried to make me go to 'your mom' joke rehab, but I said, 'No, your mom, no.'"


Aaron: "Miss Roberts, does your dad have kids?"

Baylee: "That's not an angel, that's a llama."

Hannah Beth: "I found a fish with a transparent head."
Me: "... And that's going in the quotes."

From "The Valley of Vision"

Jehovah God,

Thou Creator, Upholder, Proprietor of all things,
I cannot escape from thy presence or control,
     nor do I desire to do so.
My privilege is to be under the agency
     of omnipotence, righteousness, wisdom, patience, mercy, grace.
Thou art love with more than parental affection;
I admire thy heart, adore thy wisdom,
     stand in awe of thy power, abase myself before thy purity.
It is the discovery of thy goodness alone that can banish my fear,
     allure me into thy presence,
     help me to bewail and confess my sins.

When I review my past guilt
     and am conscious of my present unworthiness,
          I tremble to come to thee,
          I whose foundation is in the dust,
          I who have condemned thy goodness,
               defied thy power,
               trampled upon thy love,
               rendered myself unworthy of eternal death.

But my recovery cannot spring from any cause in me;
     I can destroy but cannot save myself.

Yet thou hast laid help on One that is mighty,
      for there is mercy with thee,
      and exceeding riches in thy kindness through Jesus.

May I always feel my need of him.
Let thy restored joy be my strength;
May it keep me from lusting after the world,
     bear up heart and mind in loss of comforts,
     enliven me in the valley of death,
     work in me the image of the heavenly,
     and give me to enjoy the first fruits of spirituality,
     such as the angels and departed saints know.

Authorial Schizophrenia

That should be the title of my blog.

Blergh.

I got my census form in the mail today. In the first column, they ask that you enter a phone number, so that they can call you if they "do not understand one of your responses." 

I'm strongly tempted, under "Race," to write "HUMAN" -- only because there's not enough room to write, "I categorically reject the concept of race as a genetically-derived, immutable, meaningful designation of human beings.  All humans belong to a single race.  Cultural and ethnic differences may be useful to learn about as we seek to understand one another. It is, however, utterly useless -- and, in fact, often wicked -- to attempt to construe meaningful data about the character of humans from the color of their skin, the texture of their hair, the shape of their eyes, or any other merely physical characteristic."

Do you think I'd get a phone call about that?

Hey, Techie Peeps,

Is there any way to find out WHO follows me on Google reader?  I know how many people there are (when you unsubscribe it tells you how many) but I'm dying to know who.  There must be some way.  Or is this the final frontier of anonymity in our social-networking Brave New World?

Words Matter, part 2

(Previous warning about "shouty and capsy" remains in effect.)

Dear Blog Reader,

Seriously, quit thinking that every blogger is out to get you.  If you find yourself getting offended by pretty much everything you read on blogs, you need to do two things: 1) GET OFF THE INTERNET. and 2) FIND A HOBBY.  Nobody is sitting around coming up with new and creative ways to hurt your poor widdle feelings.  There comes a point where you need to ask yourself, "What is the common denominator in all of the posts that make me angry/offend me deeply/cause me to question people's salvation?"  I have the answer to that question.  IT'S YOU.

Maybe you're totally convinced that the KJV-only position is right, or that women should wear long dresses and headcoverings, or that daughters should ALWAYS stay home until they get married, even if that means no college and no job, ever.  WHAT ARE YOU DOING READING MY BLOG?  Or blogs of OTHER people who you KNOW do not agree with you on those subjects?  You HAVE TO REALIZE that you're going to be in the minority, right?  And that comments sections on blogs are probably NOT the best place to convince people to burn their NIVs and their PANTS?

Look, I don't frequent (for instance) the blogs of people who think that it's fine/good/desirable for women to be pastors/elders in the local church.  That's not because of some kind of confirmation bias, but just because I know that I'll get annoyed with their bad exegesis or disregard for Scripture and be tempted to let it all out in the comments sections.  I don't read Pyromaniacs anymore because those dudes are seriously NOT OK with people who believe in the continuation of all the gifts of the Spirit.  I mean NOT OK AT ALL.  So rather than going over there and painting a bullseye on my charismatic self, I just leave them to it, knowing that the Lord will one day correct THEIR theology just like he's definitely going to correct mine.

I mean, really, it gets to the point that I want to ask you, DO YOU HATE YOURSELF?  If not, WHY do you subject yourself to this all the time, and then get hurt and prickly and obnoxious about it?  MARTYR COMPLEXES ARE NOT CUTE.  CAN YOU DIG IT?

Love,
Laura

"He does not deal with us as our sins deserve..."

“We are all prodigal sons, and not disinherited; we have received our portion, and misspent it, not been denied it.  We are God’s tenants here, and yet here, he, our landlord, pays us rents; not yearly, nor quarterly, but hourly and quarterly; every minute he renews his mercy.”
 
John Donne, quoted in Thomas C. Oden, Classical Pastoral Care (Grand Rapids, 1987), III:285.

HT: Ray Ortlund

I'm Praising God For...

...this wonderful post by Ray Ortlund that reminded me that for Christians, death is only a temporary separation.

...a job that's more than a job, it's a calling from God. 

...the body of Christ, and especially the members of that body who meet in my house every Thursday night to learn more about our great Savior.

...God's word.  (Side note: why do I so often take this for granted?  The infinite God of the universe communicates with us in a way that we can understand!  Amazing.)

...Jesus. 

Words Matter

(Caveat: I am going to be a little shouty and capsy on this subject.  Bear with me.)

Dear fellow Christian bloggers,

If someone comments on your blog and says, "I felt really hurt by what you said about ___," THINK ABOUT IT before you reply with, "You just don't understand my deep theology/humor/word choice" or "You're being so sensitive, just man up, already" or "WHAT?  HERESY!"

YOU do not get to decide what hurts OTHER people's feelings.  YOU do not determine THEIR perception.  Maybe they're totally unjustified in their criticism.  FINE.  But don't just assume, for the love of God, that they just need to pull up their big girl panties and get down with whatever higher spiritual knowledge you're privy too, mmkay?  Newsflash: YOU ARE WRONG SOMETIMES.  In fact, on a spiritual level, apart from Christ, you are 100% wrong!  Not mostly wrong or partly wrong but COMPLETELY WRONG.  If a brother or sister in Christ is hurt by some thoughtless remark you made, even if you think they SHOULDN'T be, JUST FREAKING APOLOGIZE -- for the misunderstanding, if nothing else.  You know they have this fancy button on most blogging platforms, it's called the "EDIT" button.  You can use it to -- get this -- GO BACK and change the content of your posts.  I know.  Crazy. 

Whatever your opinions, they are not so important that you can excuse bad manners toward brothers and sisters, in the name of being RIGHT.  NO, THEY AREN'T.

Love,
Laura

In Which The Lord Takes Me To the Woodshed

An acquaintance of mine just got engaged this weekend.  I was quickly skimming her engagement story, and starting to get pretty sad, and was just about to come write a real emo post about how I need to quit reading engagement stories because they make me feel discontented with what God has given me, blah blah blah.  But just for the heck of it I went to Tim Challies' blog, and what should appear but this post which links to this prayer which is all about desiring just one thing -- to see the beauty of our God.  Ouch.  OK, Lord, I read you loud and clear.

"I will shout on that Day what I sometimes only half-heartedly whisper in this day, 'My God has done all things well!'"

Sunday Songs

Hark!  The Sound of Holy Voices
Christopher Wordsworth, 1862

Hark! the sound of holy voices, chanting at the crystal sea,
Alleluia!  Alleluia!  Alleluia!  Lord, to thee:
Multitude, which none can number, like the stars in glory stan
Clothed in white apparel, holding palms of victory in their hand.

They have come from tribulation, and have washed their robes in blood,
Washed them in the blood of Jesus; tried they were and firm they stood,
Mocked, imprisoned, stoned, tormented, sawn asunder, slain with sword,
They have conquered death and Satan by the might of Christ the Lord.

Marching with the cross their banner, they have triumphed, following
Thee, the Captain of salvation, thee their Saviour and their King;
Gladly, Lord, with thee they suffered; gladly, Lord, with thee they died;
And by death to life immortal they were born and glorified.

God of God, the One-begotten, Light of light, Emmanuel,
In whose body joined together all the saints forever dwell;
Pour upon us of thy fullness that we may forevermore
God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost adore.

Booooo...

So you know a Calvinist's favorite flower -- the tulip.  What's an Arminian's favorite flower? 

The daisy!  "He loves me, he loves me not..."

Huuuurrrrrgh...

Thunderstorms Are Awesome

We had a great one today up on the hill at school -- thunder, lightning, driving rain, a bunch of teeny-tiny hail, wind, and everything!  It was fantastic. And just a tiny fraction of God's immeasurable vastness and power.

This Blog Post is Rated R

Links #1 and #2 contain a handful of uses of America's favorite four-letter word, so if your conscience is tender about language I'd advise skipping probably all the links.

Link #1: "The new backlash against casual sex."  Could also be titled, "In which the super-hip female writer defends hookup culture, because isn't that what feminism is all about?"  Yeah, all those suffragettes marched for all those years so their great-granddaughters could... Vote?  Not face discrimination?  Testify in court?  Be guaranteed full inheritance rights?  Nope, apparently it was so they could wear Playboy logos and learn to pole-dance.  Sure.  Also mentioned: Ariel Levy's insightful (but ultimately disappointing) Female Chauvinist Pigs.

Link #2: Tina Fey, smart and insightful as usual on the "Spice Girls feminism" modern women have bought into.   Regarding strip clubs, she quips, "That industry needs to die, by all of us being a little bit better than that."

Link #3: A student writer for the Daily Princetonian writes an op-ed wondering why college girls who get wasted and then have sex with equally wasted college boys get to cry rape the next morning.  For the love of your sanity, don't read the comments.

I'm just going to point out the obvious, which is that even smart, articulate women like Tina Fey and Ariel Levy who speak out in one way or another against our culture's crazy ideas about sexuality -- even they, ultimately, have no solution for the problem, because they cannot offer Christ.  I have to remind myself that any so-called "solution" for society's ills will be, in the final accounting, toothless and impotent unless it points humanity in general and individual human beings in particular to Jesus.

Calling All Nerds

Popped by Shapely Prose today and found an article about plagiarism.  Much moaning and lamentation ensued in the comments about kids these days, and then the brilliant Henchminion linked to one of those "free essay" sites, whereon she has planted intentionally heinous essays.  Heinous essays that have been purchased, downloaded and, evidently, turned in.  Here's one she wrote about the Magna Carta that's full of priceless non sequiturs and anachronisms.  My favorite part?  Dig:

A third provision concerns taxation. In the original Latin, it is summed up by the famous words "Discipulus tuus hunc tractatum non scripsit." This sentence means "There is to be no taxation without representation."

That Latin sentence, in case your dead language skills aren't really up to par, actually means, "Your student did not write this essay."

Also, oh my goodness, please read the "bibliography."  Amazing.

Lovelessness

Terry's blog, Breathing Grace, has encouraged me so many times I can't even tell y'all.  In the midst of a discussion on women's roles and responsibilities, she said something that CUT ME UP.

"If I homeschool using Charlotte Mason, wear a dress I sewed myself that grazes the floor, cook a gourmet meal every night and melt in your mouth biscuits every morning and have not love, it profits me nothing."

Ouch.


I'm not a wife or mother, I don't buy the whole "there's no such thing as women's pants" thing, I for sure don't cook a gourmet meal every night, and if I baked biscuits every morning I would weigh 800 pounds.  But what about all the other externals by which I choose to measure my godliness?


"If I do my morning devotions in the Greek New Testament, have bookshelves full of Puritan writings, can quote big chunks of the Bible from memory, and have not love, it profits me nothing."


"If I grow my own food, eat only natural, locally-raised meat, make my own cleaning supplies, and bake all my bread from scratch, and have not love, it profits me nothing."


"If I write insightfully on profound topics, teach classics and languages with theological overtones, read obscure and difficult books, and have not love, it profits me nothing."


Also, this is my 300th post.  That's a lot of words.

How Does She Do It?

I do a lot of my writing on the weekends and schedule the posts to publish automatically during the week.  And I'm trying to be more intentional about just writing reflectively without having to draw big important conclusions.  I get really anxious about making my writing perfect, and especially about impressing people with my insight, and that's stupid.  Whether or not y'all think I'm smart doesn't have any impact on my identity in Christ.  That realization has been a long time coming.

Rewording Stuff*

One of my old roommates and I had many conversations about this: When you're single and in your late twenties, you don't want to have to wait some indeterminate amount of time until you get married to have decent plates or towels that match or a non-twin size bed, or whatever.

It's not necessarily that we want to project the image of being that utterly independent, home-owning, job-loving career woman who doesn't need anyone, but I think that's the vibe people often get when women choose not to wait until they're married to quit living like college students.

Keep throwing money away on rent, eat off mismatched plates, settle for hand-me-downs, work crap part-time jobs, and wait for the right man to come along? Or buy a house and your own dishes, find a good career, and give everyone the impression that you're a Lone Ranger and don't want a man at all?



*Based on thoughts and comments AGES ago on the lovely Fiona's blog.

Sunday Songs

How Sweet And Awful Is the Place
Isaac Watts, 1707

How sweet and awful is the place
With Christ within the doors,
While everlasting love displays
The choicest of her stores.

While all our hearts and all our songs
Join to admire the feast,
Each of us cry, with thankful tongues,
"Lord, why was I a guest?

"Why was I made to hear thy voice,
And enter while there's room,
When thousands make a wretched choice,
And rather starve than come?"

'Twas the same love that spread the feast
That sweetly drew us in;
Else we had still refused to come
And perished in our sin.

Pity the nations, O our God,
Constrain the Earth to come!
Send thy victorious word abroad,
And bring the strangers home!

We long to see thy churches full
That all the chosen race
May,with one voice and heart and soul,
Sing thy redeeming grace.

I Love Kentucky, and My Upcoming 300th Post

First of all, I love Kentucky.  It was such a gorgeous day that I went for a drive, originally planning to stop in Prospect and hang out at the coffee shop there for a while, but I eventually made it as far as Bedford, where I turned and took the gorgeous and scenic US 421 back toward Campbellsburg, and then took I-71 back home.  I only wish I'd had a camera to capture the "Taxidermy While You Wait" sign, the many ancient black tobacco barns, and the tiny, tree-lined Town Branch creek that ran alongside the road.

Secondly, I'm hoping to reveal a couple more changes to Ye Olde Blogge in honor of my upcoming 300th post, but the topic of said post is as yet undecided.  Any thoughts?