Lent, Day 24: Fri-ee-day, Fri-ee-day!

Stuff that I liked this week:


Rebecca Black takes over FunnyOrDie!

Don Miller reviews Love Wins (epic).

A new episode of The Cross and the Jukebox.

This article by one of my pastors: See What Radiohead Sees.

36 Hours in Louisville, Ky. on the New York Times website. Don't worry. No paywall on this one.

Lent, Day 20: IT SNOWED YESTERDAY YOU GUYS

WASN'T THAT RIDICULOUS?

(At this point, you're probably saying to yourself, "Now she's just posting so she can say she's posted something." And you'd be right.)

So also yesterday, in addition to the SNOW WHAT NO WAY THAT WAS STUPID, I came across the funniest re-telling of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight EVER (seriously, I was wiping tears and doing that thing where you go back and read bits of it aloud... to yourself... alone... in your living roo-- wait, that's just me, then?), and briefly considered linking to it but it was so crammed with bad language (the whole site was, too; this wasn't just a one-off and although I have a relatively high tolerance for language in humorous settings it was about 1000% too much) that I decided against it. But if you're ever in the mood for a Google adventure, you will know it by its trail of F-bombs and its ABSOLUTELY DEAD-ON assessment of Sir Gawain and basically the entire King Arthur mythos. It's like Kanye and Mitch Hedberg chillin' in their dorm room, getting blazed and ranting about their Brit Lit syllabus.

Yeah, that's about enough.

Lent, Day 15: Back From The Road Trip

Today in the car on my way back from seeing the fam in Indianapolis, I heard "The Cave" by Mumford & Sons, and then got home to find this in my blog reader. Appropriate.

Lent, Day 13: In Which I Narrowly Slide In Before The Deadline

Whew, this blogging every day thing is a trip, man. Just one day of, you know, doing stuff outside of my house with people and the whole thing almost collapses!

Rather than confuse you with some hastily-written nonsense about that thing I told you I was going to write about and still totally am I swear, I will just send you to this comic. You can thank me later. (Caution: occasional salty language ahead.) (Also, I just tried to spell "cautioin" and "occasioinal" but those are not words.)

Sometimes I Feel Like I Need A Vacation

From serious posts.

My pal Jamie Barnes is currently on his way back from Waco, where he was at a (by all accounts pretty sketchy) conference.  He just tweeted that he feels like he never goes through the security line quickly enough, and I replied that, if you travel often enough, you'll soon have the satisfaction of looking down on all the noobs who don't realize that they can't bring their 3 full-size bottles of shampoo in their carry-on bag; and what's more fun than derision?  I mean really!

And that got me thinking of all the funny security-line and airport stories I've amassed over the years since I started traveling.

A recent favorite, in the Sydney airport on my way home from this last trip to Australia: a full-grown woman had a nuclear-attack-siren-level temper tantrum upon being asked to do the normal stuff you have to do in the security line.  Like, you know, wait your turn.  She was trying to snatch her bag and purse off the belt and shove through the line -- and she actually did cut in front of several of us, muttering that she didn't have time for this nonsense.  The security screeners, bless 'em, were just cracking up behind their hands as she screeched, "I want to speak to a manager!  This is absolutely unbelievable!  I have a plane to catch!  You can't make me wait here!  I'm in a hurry!  Give me my things back!"

There are really only a few things you need to know when traveling, most of them variations of stuff you learned in kindergarten.  Wait your turn.  Use your manners.  Read the directions. 

Any funny or horrible stories from your travels, dear readers?

Conversations With My Students

My poor little darlins... their brains are just fried from end-of-school craziness.  We were talking today about how our Kindergarten and 1st/2nd grade classes are almost full for next Fall, but there are only a handful of kids in 8th-10th grades.  Bless 'em:

Me: Well, y'all need to pray that the Lord sends us some families with older kids who've been classically educated so y'all can have some more classmates.

Boy: They have to be guys.  And they have to be athletic, so we can play basketball!

Girl 1:  And they have to be cute!  We'll pray for cute guys.

Me (rolling my eyes): Yeah.  Why don't you go ahead and pray that a couple families will move here and enroll at CCA with upper-school-aged boys who've been classically educated and are athletic and cute... and why don't you throw in that they have Australian accents too?

Girl 2 (fists in the air): YEAH!!

Me (as their parents): Honey, I appreciate your newfound interest in prayer, but you've been kneeling there since you got home from school and it's time for dinner.

Classroom Quotes From The Last Few Days

David: "He took a nap."
Me: "If by 'took a nap' you mean 'went crazy and killed himself,' then yes."
David: "That's exactly what I meant."

Hannah: "They tried to make me go to 'your mom' joke rehab, but I said, 'No, your mom, no.'"


Aaron: "Miss Roberts, does your dad have kids?"

Baylee: "That's not an angel, that's a llama."

Hannah Beth: "I found a fish with a transparent head."
Me: "... And that's going in the quotes."

Booooo...

So you know a Calvinist's favorite flower -- the tulip.  What's an Arminian's favorite flower? 

The daisy!  "He loves me, he loves me not..."

Huuuurrrrrgh...

Calling All Nerds

Popped by Shapely Prose today and found an article about plagiarism.  Much moaning and lamentation ensued in the comments about kids these days, and then the brilliant Henchminion linked to one of those "free essay" sites, whereon she has planted intentionally heinous essays.  Heinous essays that have been purchased, downloaded and, evidently, turned in.  Here's one she wrote about the Magna Carta that's full of priceless non sequiturs and anachronisms.  My favorite part?  Dig:

A third provision concerns taxation. In the original Latin, it is summed up by the famous words "Discipulus tuus hunc tractatum non scripsit." This sentence means "There is to be no taxation without representation."

That Latin sentence, in case your dead language skills aren't really up to par, actually means, "Your student did not write this essay."

Also, oh my goodness, please read the "bibliography."  Amazing.

An Open Letter To My Aussie Friends

There are a few things you should know before Em and Gwyd get back to 'Straya in a few weeks' time. I thought it would be best if you had a bit of preparation for the stories, rumors, and inside jokes they'll be armed with upon their return.

Here's what you need to know:

1. Em and Gwyd are both pregnant with babies made (Mighty-Boosh-like) from barbecued ribs, Indian food, and Dr. Pepper. The appropriate response to this: jealousy.

2. They will definitely try to explain something called an "orc Elvis" or "orc Elvis impersonator." The explanation will probably involve snippets of Elvis tunes, snarling, and discussions of bouffant hairdos. The correct response to this is mildly-amused puzzlement.

3. They have perfected their imitations of American homeschool kids. The correct response to this is to ask them whether or not the Balrog has wings, if Hobbits can be found in Mammoth Cave, or if the economy can survive without the contribution of Wood Nymphs.

4. Speaking of Mammoth Cave, Gwyd has developed a theory about how Mammoth Cave was built. If you ask him about this, be sure he replies in his American homeschool kid voice.

5. The next time you are around them while they're eating, their "Mmm" noises in response to the tastiness of the food will likely turn into an "mmm"-punctuated laugh fest. They might wipe tears. The appropriate reaction to this is awkward silence. I'm sure you can manage it.

Also be sure to ask them about Andrew's reaction to seeing Androdgo, and who carried the food down to the tuberculosis patients in Mammoth Cave. You have a few weeks to prepare yourselves.

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!

They're both doing quite well in America and enjoying themselves. But Gwyd's... found a few American foods he really likes. Yeah, let's go with that:


Yeah...