OK, I have to get this off my chest. Sorry it's such a long, rambling bit of nonsense. If it's too long and rambling and nonsensical, I won't be offended if you skip it. ;)
Fellas: you are misinterpreting data, to your own frustration and the frustration of many, many single women around you. In 2011, a woman who has a career and a college degree (maybe even an advanced degree) and a mortgage, who pays her bills on time and takes her own car to the mechanic and hasn't lived with her parents in ten years is not necessarily, by definition a raging feminist who thinks she needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. Nope. She is NORMAL. Got that?
Tip: that's the summary. If you're sufficiently convinced, feel free to stop right here. Need more persuasion that you oughta change your mind? Read on, my friend.
In the 1970s and early 1980s, women in the business world were rare. The average age of a first marriage was still in the early-mid twenties for both men and women. And the message from Western culture was loud and clear: Sisters, get into work. You can still decide to have children later, after you've gone up the ranks in your job, after you've accomplished something "real."
Add to this the shame that generation of feminists heaped on men: you're irresponsible, power-hungry, insensitive; you're someone to be resented and competed with, boxed in, restricted, pushed aside, stepped on. Those power-suit-wearing, marriage-spurning, child-hating career girls -- even then, the stereotype was developing!
But, guys? That was thirty years ago. Somehow, it seems, too many Christian men are still being taught to see career, mortgage, and financial stability in a woman and interpret that as "feminist, not wife material, run far far away"!
I grew up being taught not to waste time or money sitting on my hands, and that it was ungodly to waste my gifts and opportunities. You know who taught me that? Not just my mother, though she certainly did. No, it was the women who had, thirty years ago, bought the lie that they could subjugate their God-given desires, that those desires were wrong, that "wife" and "mother" were not the most honorable titles they could seek, but that they were rather titles to be avoided. These women, who learned through bitter experience, taught me to cherish my God-given desire for marriage and motherhood, but also to seize whatever opportunities the Lord put before me. They passed on their experience and wisdom, and started to break down that paradigm.
In my bitter moments, I want to sock every Christian single guy who whines about modern women being overly independent, and tell them that, if they didn't propose to a girl in college, it's their own fault there are all these career women running around. But in my better moments, I just want to be helpful. So let me help you.
Most of us, brothers, are working, paying our bills, getting promotions, working on our degrees, and all those other things, not because we don't want to get married and have children. It's because we had the opportunity to use our gifts in a job, or use our finances more wisely by buying instead of renting, or develop our skills with an advanced degree, or whatever... and haven't had the opportunity to get married and start a family. Most of us would happily re-arrange any or all of those things for the right man, if given the chance.
If I have one word of caution, it's this: guys, you tiptoe toward slandering your sisters when you silently accuse them of selfishness, unhealthy independence, and unbiblical attitudes toward femininity just because they have careers and mortgages -- love, after all, believes the best about people. You are misinterpreting the data, and coming to wrong conclusions. Don't be put off by a woman who makes a decent living at a job she's good at, a woman with an advanced degree, a woman who owns a home. Don't assume the worst about her.
Thirty years ago, a power suit and a mortgage might reasonably have meant this was a woman who didn't want marriage and family. It doesn't have to mean that anymore. Got it?
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Titus 2 is for Single Girls, Part 1
In my observation, when a pastor preaches on Titus 2, this is what often happens (caution: hyperbole ahead):
At Sojourn we're blessed to have pastors who handle God's word... well, a lot better than that, and I could address the problems with each one of those paragraphs, but I'm only going to deal with the last one, because I think it's the place where even the most well-intentioned, careful, Gospel-centered teaching can kind of go off the rails.
What do we do with single women in the church? In the case of Titus 2, I think what we often imply is that her calling is on hold until she gets married, and even then that her calling hasn't reached its ultimate fulfillment until she starts having kids. Then, we seem to say, you're really living out your calling, sister.
How do we make sense of the biblical teaching that seems to speak primarily to married women with children, when all around us -- both in the Scriptures and in the Church -- are unmarried, childless women?
I think the key is to begin to see the connection between calling and identity. Calling, in the Scriptures, is a function of identity -- sometimes a current identity; more often what we might call a prophetic identity, a declaration of a new identity given by God to the person he's calling. So when we see passages that call us to a certain set of actions or attitudes, I think it's important to ask what identity is behind those actions.
For example, God calls all Christians to care for the poor and the alien. What identity is behind this? Ultimately, we are a people whom God has rescued from the ultimate poverty and alienation, and we paint a picture of the Gospel when we reach out to the poor and alien.
What about Titus 2? What is God telling all women about who we are (or are becoming by grace) through these instructions to married women with kids? I'll address that in Part 2 tomorrow.
Married guys, MAN UP and lead your families! No! Just shut up and do it!
Married ladies, you need to be mentoring younger married ladies and teaching them what you've learned. We love you, and we know it's tough to be married to us horrible, horrible men. Don't be discouraged even though we keep telling you that you have the hardest and most-critical-not-to-screw-up job in the world and that you're basically 100% responsible for your both your husband's fidelity and his self-esteem.
Single dudes, have some self control, and get married! And quit watching porn and playing video games! And get a job! And move out of your parents' basement! And you suck! And there's basically no hope for you! UGH SINGLE DUDES UGH.
Single ladies... uh... I dunno. Be patient I guess? Maybe? Yeah, I got nothin'.
At Sojourn we're blessed to have pastors who handle God's word... well, a lot better than that, and I could address the problems with each one of those paragraphs, but I'm only going to deal with the last one, because I think it's the place where even the most well-intentioned, careful, Gospel-centered teaching can kind of go off the rails.
What do we do with single women in the church? In the case of Titus 2, I think what we often imply is that her calling is on hold until she gets married, and even then that her calling hasn't reached its ultimate fulfillment until she starts having kids. Then, we seem to say, you're really living out your calling, sister.
How do we make sense of the biblical teaching that seems to speak primarily to married women with children, when all around us -- both in the Scriptures and in the Church -- are unmarried, childless women?
I think the key is to begin to see the connection between calling and identity. Calling, in the Scriptures, is a function of identity -- sometimes a current identity; more often what we might call a prophetic identity, a declaration of a new identity given by God to the person he's calling. So when we see passages that call us to a certain set of actions or attitudes, I think it's important to ask what identity is behind those actions.
For example, God calls all Christians to care for the poor and the alien. What identity is behind this? Ultimately, we are a people whom God has rescued from the ultimate poverty and alienation, and we paint a picture of the Gospel when we reach out to the poor and alien.
What about Titus 2? What is God telling all women about who we are (or are becoming by grace) through these instructions to married women with kids? I'll address that in Part 2 tomorrow.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Greatest Hits: What CAN I Do, Then?
(Originally Posted September 18, 2007)
Since I won't be writing much while I'm on Spring break this week, I'll be posting some of my previous favorite articles, slightly edited in this case. I'll be back at it on Monday, March 29th.
Much as we claim to hate them, there's something kind of appealing about the simplicity of rules, isn't there? Do Not Feed The Lions. 45 MPH. Keep Off The Grass. Simple. There are people whose careers have been dedicated to figuring out rules for other peoples lives: advice columnists abound. There's even a book called The Rules. Heck, there's an entire genre -- the "self-help" genre -- that's dedicated to giving people rules for everything.
So here's the quandary: as believers, our lives are no longer defined by our adherence to the law. God's word makes it perfectly clear that we cannot live up to the standards God has set. That's the bad news. But the good news is that the Eternal God came into time and space in flesh and obeyed God's law, to the letter, in our stead. We are free from the penalty of the law and from its curse.
But... I like rules. I would love it if someone would just tell me exactly how I'm supposed to behave.
So, rather than striving for Christlikeness, for actions defined and bounded by grace and characterized by love, I make myself a little rulebook. Don't look at x. Don't say x. Don't think about x. Don't do x. This much of x is all right, but this much is too much. No flirting. No R-rated movies. No romance novels. No ice cream.
With all that running through my mind, is it any wonder that I stopped today and wondered, "Well, what CAN I do, then?"
You might be surprised --or, if you're alive, you might NOT be surprised -- at how difficult it is to figure out how to act when all you have to go on are injunctions and prohibitions. It's like a professor who gives a writing assignment, and when you ask for help he tells you, "It shouldn't be written in Swahili and it can't be about the 17th century Spanish monarchy." Not helpful.
In my daily interactions, I've discovered that the Law of Christ is harder than rules. Far from being an easier way to live, Christian freedom is much more complicated and mentally taxing than legalism. It requires that I search God's word. It requires prayer. It requires discernment, and accountability, and community. It results in mistakes, sometimes mistakes I don't even realize until later. But it also produces humility, maturity, wisdom, deep friendships, equanimity, contentment, and joy. It causes me to trust the Lord, because there's not always crystal-clear dictation in Scripture for the minutiae of life (by which I mean, there's no 3 Corinthians 8:14 that says, "And to my single sisters I say, not I but the Lord, that thou shalt behave thusly toward handsome young men..." Although, wouldn't that be kinda awesome? Anyway).
"This side of heaven," as my dad says, I'll never have it all figured out. I'll continue to fail in how I strive to be like Christ. But I praise God that he is already at work, never sleeping, always faithful, until I am conformed to the image of his Son.
Since I won't be writing much while I'm on Spring break this week, I'll be posting some of my previous favorite articles, slightly edited in this case. I'll be back at it on Monday, March 29th.
Much as we claim to hate them, there's something kind of appealing about the simplicity of rules, isn't there? Do Not Feed The Lions. 45 MPH. Keep Off The Grass. Simple. There are people whose careers have been dedicated to figuring out rules for other peoples lives: advice columnists abound. There's even a book called The Rules. Heck, there's an entire genre -- the "self-help" genre -- that's dedicated to giving people rules for everything.
So here's the quandary: as believers, our lives are no longer defined by our adherence to the law. God's word makes it perfectly clear that we cannot live up to the standards God has set. That's the bad news. But the good news is that the Eternal God came into time and space in flesh and obeyed God's law, to the letter, in our stead. We are free from the penalty of the law and from its curse.
But... I like rules. I would love it if someone would just tell me exactly how I'm supposed to behave.
So, rather than striving for Christlikeness, for actions defined and bounded by grace and characterized by love, I make myself a little rulebook. Don't look at x. Don't say x. Don't think about x. Don't do x. This much of x is all right, but this much is too much. No flirting. No R-rated movies. No romance novels. No ice cream.
With all that running through my mind, is it any wonder that I stopped today and wondered, "Well, what CAN I do, then?"
You might be surprised --or, if you're alive, you might NOT be surprised -- at how difficult it is to figure out how to act when all you have to go on are injunctions and prohibitions. It's like a professor who gives a writing assignment, and when you ask for help he tells you, "It shouldn't be written in Swahili and it can't be about the 17th century Spanish monarchy." Not helpful.
In my daily interactions, I've discovered that the Law of Christ is harder than rules. Far from being an easier way to live, Christian freedom is much more complicated and mentally taxing than legalism. It requires that I search God's word. It requires prayer. It requires discernment, and accountability, and community. It results in mistakes, sometimes mistakes I don't even realize until later. But it also produces humility, maturity, wisdom, deep friendships, equanimity, contentment, and joy. It causes me to trust the Lord, because there's not always crystal-clear dictation in Scripture for the minutiae of life (by which I mean, there's no 3 Corinthians 8:14 that says, "And to my single sisters I say, not I but the Lord, that thou shalt behave thusly toward handsome young men..." Although, wouldn't that be kinda awesome? Anyway).
"This side of heaven," as my dad says, I'll never have it all figured out. I'll continue to fail in how I strive to be like Christ. But I praise God that he is already at work, never sleeping, always faithful, until I am conformed to the image of his Son.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Rewording Stuff*
One of my old roommates and I had many conversations about this: When you're single and in your late twenties, you don't want to have to wait some indeterminate amount of time until you get married to have decent plates or towels that match or a non-twin size bed, or whatever.
It's not necessarily that we want to project the image of being that utterly independent, home-owning, job-loving career woman who doesn't need anyone, but I think that's the vibe people often get when women choose not to wait until they're married to quit living like college students.
Keep throwing money away on rent, eat off mismatched plates, settle for hand-me-downs, work crap part-time jobs, and wait for the right man to come along? Or buy a house and your own dishes, find a good career, and give everyone the impression that you're a Lone Ranger and don't want a man at all?
*Based on thoughts and comments AGES ago on the lovely Fiona's blog.
It's not necessarily that we want to project the image of being that utterly independent, home-owning, job-loving career woman who doesn't need anyone, but I think that's the vibe people often get when women choose not to wait until they're married to quit living like college students.
Keep throwing money away on rent, eat off mismatched plates, settle for hand-me-downs, work crap part-time jobs, and wait for the right man to come along? Or buy a house and your own dishes, find a good career, and give everyone the impression that you're a Lone Ranger and don't want a man at all?
*Based on thoughts and comments AGES ago on the lovely Fiona's blog.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Evangelism and the Single Girl
I stink at evangelism. Really. I can't remember the last time I shared the Gospel, or even had a spiritual conversation, with an unbeliever who wasn't a) related to me and under age ten or b) my student. No, I can, it was probably with one of my neighbors in the apartment complex I lived in two and a half years ago. The only reason I knew my downstairs neighbor, Jasmine, is because she liked to listen to hip-hop while studying at 1 a.m., and the only reason I knew my across-the-hall neighbor is because he was completely insane, not unlike several of the other people who lived there. I don't think I ever told you about the time that one of the downstairs residents kidnapped (catnapped?) my next-door neighbor's cat and refused to return it.
Anyway, I digress.
I live by myself in my condo, which I totally love about 75% of the time, particularly when I don't feel like cleaning. The other 25% of the time, I feel either like a cloistered nun (who, uh, is on Facebook) or a weird recluse. Good thing I don't have any cats. I've met a few of my neighbors, and they're nice people, but I haven't felt comfortable going door-to-door and introducing myself or trying to form relationships with them. And herein lies my problem.
I totally believe that God has put me in this place for this time. It's not an accident that I live here, or that I have the neighbors I have. But what's a single girl to do? This is a pretty good-size metropolitan area I live in, and while it's quite a safe neighborhood, you just never know. I honestly don't feel right about going out by myself to knock on doors -- apart from the safety issues, what do you do with the propriety issues that arise, like finding yourself on the front steps of a house full of college-age boys? But how else besides meeting my neighbors am I supposed to even be in contact with adult non-Christians?
It's a very angsty issue for me, really. I want to be wise and safe, but I must be obedient.
I don't have any concluding thoughts, because I haven't concluded my thinking on this subject. If anyone has any suggestions, insights, or practical considerations, I'm all ears. Or whatever the online equivalent of ears is.
Anyway, I digress.
I live by myself in my condo, which I totally love about 75% of the time, particularly when I don't feel like cleaning. The other 25% of the time, I feel either like a cloistered nun (who, uh, is on Facebook) or a weird recluse. Good thing I don't have any cats. I've met a few of my neighbors, and they're nice people, but I haven't felt comfortable going door-to-door and introducing myself or trying to form relationships with them. And herein lies my problem.
I totally believe that God has put me in this place for this time. It's not an accident that I live here, or that I have the neighbors I have. But what's a single girl to do? This is a pretty good-size metropolitan area I live in, and while it's quite a safe neighborhood, you just never know. I honestly don't feel right about going out by myself to knock on doors -- apart from the safety issues, what do you do with the propriety issues that arise, like finding yourself on the front steps of a house full of college-age boys? But how else besides meeting my neighbors am I supposed to even be in contact with adult non-Christians?
It's a very angsty issue for me, really. I want to be wise and safe, but I must be obedient.
I don't have any concluding thoughts, because I haven't concluded my thinking on this subject. If anyone has any suggestions, insights, or practical considerations, I'm all ears. Or whatever the online equivalent of ears is.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Single Women in the Church
Craig wrote a little paragraph a few days ago asking how the church can do a better job ministering to "older" (meaning 30+) single women. 71 comments later (as of this posting), there have been some dynamite suggestions and some brutally honest critiques as well. I would highly recommend reading the entire thread -- especially if you're in church ministry of any kind. It's very revealing of the pain and struggles unmarried women go through, and amazingly gracious and balanced despite its length. This one has so far defied Godwin's Law.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Um...Yeah... Totally Unrelated to Kitchen Keeping at All
So, the movie He's Just Not That Into You comes out February 6th in the U.S. Having read excerpts of the book and knowing the general premise (namely that a man who likes a woman goes after her, therefore if he doesn't go after her, he isn't interested in her), I'm predisposed to like it already.
Potential pros of this movie:
good plot premise
awkwardness
Justin Long
Ginnifer Goodwin
seriously, Ben Affleck is in this movie? Where the crap has he been the last five years?
Potential cons of this movie:
cheesiness
over-awkwardness
Drew Barrymore
Drew Barrymore is a terrible actress
She also is awkward
She's also not very bright-seeming
Also Drew Barrymore.
But anyway...
This video definitely increased the probability that I will drop ten bucks to go see HJNTIY. It's about six minutes long, and it's called "10 Chick-Flick Cliches You Won't Find in He's Just Not That Into You."* It stars three of the male leads, who act out the ten chick-flick cliches, complete with soaring violins and green-screen backgrounds. Classic!
*Caution: N particularly SFW as it contains one bleeped but still recognizable off-color remark.
Potential pros of this movie:
good plot premise
awkwardness
Justin Long
Ginnifer Goodwin
seriously, Ben Affleck is in this movie? Where the crap has he been the last five years?
Potential cons of this movie:
cheesiness
over-awkwardness
Drew Barrymore
Drew Barrymore is a terrible actress
She also is awkward
She's also not very bright-seeming
Also Drew Barrymore.
But anyway...
This video definitely increased the probability that I will drop ten bucks to go see HJNTIY. It's about six minutes long, and it's called "10 Chick-Flick Cliches You Won't Find in He's Just Not That Into You."* It stars three of the male leads, who act out the ten chick-flick cliches, complete with soaring violins and green-screen backgrounds. Classic!
*Caution: N particularly SFW as it contains one bleeped but still recognizable off-color remark.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Stuff
Random list time!
Stuff Christians should stop freaking out about:
1. Halloween. Dude. What a bunch of wasted energy is poured into the anti-Halloween lobbying that happens every year!! Is Samhain a pagan holiday? Yup. Is Halloween a pagan holiday? Uh, no. It's primarily the Eve of All Saints, and secondarily a cutesy Hallmark-perpetuated candy orgy/ excuse for little kids to dress up and show off their dressed-up-ness. Let your kids trick-or-treat, don't let them trick-or-treat. Whatever. But please don't try to convince me that the Bible says it's wrong for Christians to let their kids put on Superman capes and go door to door asking for candy. Please.
2. Disputable issues like consumption of alcohol, R-rated movies, tattoos and piercings, birth control, etc. Read Romans 14, and remember that we're not to look down on people who don't feel freedom in these areas, nor judge those who do.
3. Politics. Christians can vote, be involved in their community political processes, argue passionately for their political positions, and even (in some circumstances) run for office. Should they hang all their hopes of their country being transformed for the better on a political party, politician, or ideology? Definitely NOT. The Kingdom of God isn't Republican or Democrat or Green or Labour or any other such thing, and it won't be advanced by the (conscious) efforts of secular political machinery. God will advance his Kingdom.
4. Anecdotes that "prove" our points. We're so eager to latch onto this or that bit of scientific or archaeological or historical or sociological evidence that confirms our positions (like in this Boundless article), but we roll our eyes when pagans and atheists do the same (like with the ossuary found a few years ago containing the bones of a dude named Jesus son of Joseph). We ought to take an attitude of quiet confidence when it comes to these sorts of discoveries. Of course history, archaeology, and the like will confirm and support the Scriptures -- God did, after all, create everything and all truth belongs to him -- but that's not why we trust the Scriptures. We trust them because God has, by his incomprehensible grace, enlivened our hearts and enabled us to see in the Scriptures the testimony of Christ, his perfect Son and our atoning sacrifice. So we should be glad, knowing that the Scriptures are true, when some new affirmation of their historicity comes to light, without placing our hope or confidence in those discoveries.
Stuff Christians should get more fired up about:
1. Nominal Christianity and twisted "Gospels." Benny Hinn, Joel Osteen, TBN, Katharine Jefferts Schori, Ann Holmes Redding (the Muslim Episcopal priest), and Jeremiah Wright should not be given a free pass by Christians and pastors around the world. Just because someone claims to be a brother in Christ and uses churchy-sounding words does not make him a Christian. And don't even get me started on hip-hop artists who give a shout-out to Jesus when they win a VMA for their hit single about making sure one ho don't find out about another ho.
2. Manhood, womanhood, and families. The Scriptures we (supposedly) hold dear are full of instruction about and examples of what godly men, women, and families look like. Something is not right when people who call themselves Christians divorce with impunity, reject and despise God's blessing of children, and in all other ways look just like the world in the way they live as men and women, and the way their families work. Early apologists and historians appealed to the morality and purity of Christian families as evidence for the truth of the Christian faith. Pretty tough to do that now, huh?
OK, that's enough ranting and randomness for the day.
Maybe one more thing. I'm watching NCAA basketball RIGHT NOW. AWESOME.
Stuff Christians should stop freaking out about:
1. Halloween. Dude. What a bunch of wasted energy is poured into the anti-Halloween lobbying that happens every year!! Is Samhain a pagan holiday? Yup. Is Halloween a pagan holiday? Uh, no. It's primarily the Eve of All Saints, and secondarily a cutesy Hallmark-perpetuated candy orgy/ excuse for little kids to dress up and show off their dressed-up-ness. Let your kids trick-or-treat, don't let them trick-or-treat. Whatever. But please don't try to convince me that the Bible says it's wrong for Christians to let their kids put on Superman capes and go door to door asking for candy. Please.
2. Disputable issues like consumption of alcohol, R-rated movies, tattoos and piercings, birth control, etc. Read Romans 14, and remember that we're not to look down on people who don't feel freedom in these areas, nor judge those who do.
3. Politics. Christians can vote, be involved in their community political processes, argue passionately for their political positions, and even (in some circumstances) run for office. Should they hang all their hopes of their country being transformed for the better on a political party, politician, or ideology? Definitely NOT. The Kingdom of God isn't Republican or Democrat or Green or Labour or any other such thing, and it won't be advanced by the (conscious) efforts of secular political machinery. God will advance his Kingdom.
4. Anecdotes that "prove" our points. We're so eager to latch onto this or that bit of scientific or archaeological or historical or sociological evidence that confirms our positions (like in this Boundless article), but we roll our eyes when pagans and atheists do the same (like with the ossuary found a few years ago containing the bones of a dude named Jesus son of Joseph). We ought to take an attitude of quiet confidence when it comes to these sorts of discoveries. Of course history, archaeology, and the like will confirm and support the Scriptures -- God did, after all, create everything and all truth belongs to him -- but that's not why we trust the Scriptures. We trust them because God has, by his incomprehensible grace, enlivened our hearts and enabled us to see in the Scriptures the testimony of Christ, his perfect Son and our atoning sacrifice. So we should be glad, knowing that the Scriptures are true, when some new affirmation of their historicity comes to light, without placing our hope or confidence in those discoveries.
Stuff Christians should get more fired up about:
1. Nominal Christianity and twisted "Gospels." Benny Hinn, Joel Osteen, TBN, Katharine Jefferts Schori, Ann Holmes Redding (the Muslim Episcopal priest), and Jeremiah Wright should not be given a free pass by Christians and pastors around the world. Just because someone claims to be a brother in Christ and uses churchy-sounding words does not make him a Christian. And don't even get me started on hip-hop artists who give a shout-out to Jesus when they win a VMA for their hit single about making sure one ho don't find out about another ho.
2. Manhood, womanhood, and families. The Scriptures we (supposedly) hold dear are full of instruction about and examples of what godly men, women, and families look like. Something is not right when people who call themselves Christians divorce with impunity, reject and despise God's blessing of children, and in all other ways look just like the world in the way they live as men and women, and the way their families work. Early apologists and historians appealed to the morality and purity of Christian families as evidence for the truth of the Christian faith. Pretty tough to do that now, huh?
OK, that's enough ranting and randomness for the day.
Maybe one more thing. I'm watching NCAA basketball RIGHT NOW. AWESOME.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
YEE-HAW!
It's a blog roundup!
Of sorts.
Christine linked over to the Most Excellent "Making Home" blog not too long ago, and I've become addicted. Ladies, it's highly recommended whether you're married or single. Yes, as a married woman and one with a teaching ministry she does discuss marital intimacy with some frankness, but -- I have literally never come across someone who does so with so much tact, nor with so much joy. Her blog is neither preachy, nor clinical, nor wishy-washy, nor lewd. It's a realistic, encouraging picture of the life of an ordinary Christian wife and mother. (Oh, and gents, I'd recommend reading all the articles but the comments sections frequently contain some very honest woman-to-woman discussions that you might not find edifying.)
Please, if you haven't done so already, head over to Last Night's Dinner and check out Jenn's gorgeous photos and inspiration. While you're at it, swing by Cook Eat Fret and take a gander at Claudia's salivary-action-inducing caramel cake.
Tonight's dinner for me?
An Ommegang Hennepin that took me hours to drink
a dozen or so Sicilian olives (might go down and get some more, actually...)
a wedge of this award-winning, smelly, gorgeous goat cheese
a handful of "everything" cracker-bread
a scoop of Huber Farms peach butter
And a very satisfying dinner it was, I must say. Delish.
We were out of school Monday and Tuesday because of Hurricane Ike, which was still (strong) Tropical Depression Ike when it knocked out power for around 300,000 people in the Louisville-metro area Sunday. I was blessed to have electricity back by Sunday night (apparently our development is on the Valhalla circuits...), but many folks in the city will continue to live a compulsory Amish life for another week or more!
Go check out Mikey's blog. He's one of the elders of Crossroads, the church Mike and Christine are a part of, and where I attended while I was in Hobart. It's an amazing church and Mikey is a pretty awesome dude with some unique and interesting theological insights.
That's all I got.
Of sorts.
Christine linked over to the Most Excellent "Making Home" blog not too long ago, and I've become addicted. Ladies, it's highly recommended whether you're married or single. Yes, as a married woman and one with a teaching ministry she does discuss marital intimacy with some frankness, but -- I have literally never come across someone who does so with so much tact, nor with so much joy. Her blog is neither preachy, nor clinical, nor wishy-washy, nor lewd. It's a realistic, encouraging picture of the life of an ordinary Christian wife and mother. (Oh, and gents, I'd recommend reading all the articles but the comments sections frequently contain some very honest woman-to-woman discussions that you might not find edifying.)
Please, if you haven't done so already, head over to Last Night's Dinner and check out Jenn's gorgeous photos and inspiration. While you're at it, swing by Cook Eat Fret and take a gander at Claudia's salivary-action-inducing caramel cake.
Tonight's dinner for me?
An Ommegang Hennepin that took me hours to drink
a dozen or so Sicilian olives (might go down and get some more, actually...)
a wedge of this award-winning, smelly, gorgeous goat cheese
a handful of "everything" cracker-bread
a scoop of Huber Farms peach butter
And a very satisfying dinner it was, I must say. Delish.
We were out of school Monday and Tuesday because of Hurricane Ike, which was still (strong) Tropical Depression Ike when it knocked out power for around 300,000 people in the Louisville-metro area Sunday. I was blessed to have electricity back by Sunday night (apparently our development is on the Valhalla circuits...), but many folks in the city will continue to live a compulsory Amish life for another week or more!
Go check out Mikey's blog. He's one of the elders of Crossroads, the church Mike and Christine are a part of, and where I attended while I was in Hobart. It's an amazing church and Mikey is a pretty awesome dude with some unique and interesting theological insights.
That's all I got.
Monday, April 28, 2008
My Love-Hate-Love Relationship
Yeah, it's complicated. Sometimes, I feel the strongest love and devotion, and other times nothing but pure hatred -- oh, the arguments! The stereotypes and cliches! The ignorance, the stupidity! But just when I think I'm over it, just when I think I couldn't possibly love again, I go running back.
Today, I think I'd be willing to propose. To Boundless, that is.
A few days ago on the Boundless Line I got into a rather heated debate with one of the writers about environmental issues -- see, he's one of those vitriolic global warming skeptics. And he somehow thinks that by insulting his opponents, he'll solidify his own position -- really, it just makes him look like a jerk.
But then, this morning, all was made right again in the sick, twisted little universe of my relationship with Boundless. Because I read this:
Today, I think I'd be willing to propose. To Boundless, that is.
A few days ago on the Boundless Line I got into a rather heated debate with one of the writers about environmental issues -- see, he's one of those vitriolic global warming skeptics. And he somehow thinks that by insulting his opponents, he'll solidify his own position -- really, it just makes him look like a jerk.
But then, this morning, all was made right again in the sick, twisted little universe of my relationship with Boundless. Because I read this:
Dear Boundless Answers:
I had an interesting conversation with two older women of my church. I asked them if they thought that I was ready for marriage yet and they both said "no." They challenged me, asking me if I thought that I was being the "best that I could be" in every area of my life.
[...]
Should a woman totally overcome her insecurities before she gets married (to avoid bringing in that "excess baggage")?
And now, the response, from Candice Watters -- hang in there and read the whole thing. It's so great that it deserves being reproduced in its entirety here:
I don't know you beyond your e-mail, so I'm reluctant to challenge feedback from women in your church who presumably do. But I also know that if what they'd said was based on Scripture, I'd be more likely to agree with them. What they said sounds cliché. Their assertion that you should be the "best that you can be" in every area of life before you get married scans like a positive thinking infomercial. It's based on the belief that we are not only perfectible, but also that we can perfect ourselves. It's certainly not rooted in what the Bible says about sin (that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God") and our need for a Savior. Do you need to learn to love yourself before you can ever give your love to another person? Not according to Scripture. Jesus said "love your neighbor as yourself." This is something you can do immediately. No learning curve required. We're selfish by nature; that's why Jesus made self-love the measure for how we treat others. He knew we would get the shorthand of what He was saying. The Westminster Shorter Catechism asks, "What is the chief end of man?" and answers, "Man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever." The purpose of our lives is not to self-actualize, but to bring glory to God. How we feel about our looks, or weight, or job, or social life, or any other measure of success on any given day is, in the scope of eternity, irrelevant. Does God want us to be full of joy? Yes. Is that joy dependent on your self-image? Thankfully, no. His joy and peace are among the fruit of the Holy Spirit. They come by giving thanks in all circumstances, praying without ceasing, and cultivating the Holy Spirit's activity in your life. None of this hangs on what kind of "self-image day" we're having. Though I know in my life that the more I practice these spiritual disciplines, the more irrelevant my externals become. What about their appeal to Adam and Eve as "worked on by God and therefore complete before they met?" It implies that somehow the first couple came "baggage-free" (a pop-psychology favorite). But you need to read only a few verses down to see what failure these "complete" humans were capable of after God was done making them. Beyond the reality that God put Adam to sleep until the surgery was over, and kept Eve that way until she was fully formed in flesh, I don't see any evidence that the two were perfectly ready for marriage, or any other serious undertaking, the way your friends implied. Adam and Eve were, as we are, fully human, with the freedom to obey or not. I suspect when the two women you spoke with married, they still had growing and maturing to do. I did. And I do believe they meant well. But what would be more helpful than telling you to stop thinking about marriage till you're perfect is to give specific areas of growth to be working on while you're praying for marriage and being intentional about helping it happen. Offering passages of Scripture for study (Titus 2, and Proverbs 31 for starters), examples of where you fall short on what the Bible requires, and relational support for helping you grow is the kind of mentoring you need. But it shouldn't stop there. Titus 2:3-5 says: "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." This passage suggests that the younger women in need of spiritual nurture and practical training are already married. The passing on of wisdom from the one generation to the next is to take place in the context of marriages already formed. If, as is the case in our culture, the younger women are having trouble finding and marrying godly husbands, then helping them do that should be the first order of business on the older women's to-do lists. When are you ready for marriage? When you're no longer a child; when you're ready to take on the adult responsibilities that marriage brings. That doesn't mean you can use that as justification for avoiding responsibility ("I'm just not ready"). Unless they're specially gifted for celibate service, Christian men and women should be gearing up for marriage in their early 20s. It's not only their best time for meeting mates, but also their most fertile time for forming families. If you don't feel ready or willing to take on adult responsibility, the solution isn't more passage of time, but likely, accountability from the older believers in your church. Which brings us back to your dilemma. To get the most help from the women in your Bible study, I think you might need to re-tool your question. Instead of asking, "Do you think I'm ready for marriage?" you might say, "I believe, based on what I read in Scripture, that believers are called either to celibate service or marriage (Matthew 19:11-12). I know from my desires and drives that I'm not specially gifted for celibate service, so what I'm wondering is, based on your understanding of Scripture, what are the things I need to be working on to prepare for the responsibilities that come with marriage and motherhood?" Then, based on what they answer, you might follow up with, "Would you be willing to pray with me about those areas and pray for me that God would make me more like Him and bring me a godly husband?" It's not enough to seek out older believers. The goal is mentors who rightly divide the Word. It will be to your benefit and His glory. OH, gosh, you guys. The advice this girl's older friends gave her used to drive me BONKERS. I knew far, far too many jacked-up people -- Christians who were FAR from baggage-free -- who'd made it down the aisle to believe that God only wills marriage for people who've learned to love themselves or become complete in themselves or whatever (puke). If you have single friends, I beg you, don't give them this advice. Don't tell them they have to take time out of their search for a spouse in order to become more Godly. And don't let it slide if they say, "Well, I'm just going to take this time to work on myself, because I need to be content in myself before I try to look for a wife/husband." Challenge them. Remind them that God's in the business of using imperfect people in his grand story of saving a people for himself -- he even blesses imperfect people! He gives them the incomparable gift of salvation, together with every other spiritual blessing in Christ Jesus. Furthermore, he uses our daily lives, our circumstances, and our relationships to sanctify us. Every part of our lives falls under God's sovereignty, and as Christians, every moment of our life is spiritual -- not just the times when we're reading our Bibles or sitting in church or talking about Jesus or whatever, but the times when we're stuck in traffic or reading blogs or talking about sweet vs. unsweet tea. In other words, we don't have to take a silent retreat or avoid complicated relationships to discover God's will for us as individuals or in community -- our Father guides us in our REAL LIVES to make godly, appropriate choices, and he transforms us into the image of His Son through our REAL LIVES.
Friday, February 15, 2008
I Know I'm Late To This Party
It's a little pathetic that up until recently, I knew more about Amy Winehouse's personal struggles (Possibly abusive, certainly codependent jailbird husband! Tatty, ever-present ballet flats! Frequent bender-induced bruises! Mysteriously absent right incisor! Terrifying Morticia Addams beehive! Protruding clavicles!) than I did about her music. Well, the night of the (totally lame-o) Grammys, I kept hearing Amy Winehouse this and Amy Winehouse that, and then the next morning saw an article on Slate.com about why Amy isn't just a whacked-out pop star, but an actually talented, unique voice in popular music.
So I finally decided to give her Back to Black album a listen, and now, even though I'm extremely tardy in jumping on the old Wino bandwagon, I'm a pretty big fan. It's no coincidence that, in her (HUGE, ubiquitous) single, "Rehab," she name-drops Ray Charles, a well-known junkie, on an album that gives much more than a hat-tip to classic Motown R&B. Besides which, the very fact that a 24-year-old faintly chavvy Jewish Brit (like, l'chaim, innit?) can sing like a world-weary 60's Motown black woman is pretty remarkable. Ch-ch-check it out.
So I finally decided to give her Back to Black album a listen, and now, even though I'm extremely tardy in jumping on the old Wino bandwagon, I'm a pretty big fan. It's no coincidence that, in her (HUGE, ubiquitous) single, "Rehab," she name-drops Ray Charles, a well-known junkie, on an album that gives much more than a hat-tip to classic Motown R&B. Besides which, the very fact that a 24-year-old faintly chavvy Jewish Brit (like, l'chaim, innit?) can sing like a world-weary 60's Motown black woman is pretty remarkable. Ch-ch-check it out.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Congratulations and In Memory
Well, boys and girls, it was a good news/bad news day.
The good news came when my phone buzzed and told me that I had a voicemail from my sister-in-law. My brother's voice actually came over the line, and he sounded so excited and said, "Call us back, call us back... we have some news..." I knew, of course, that they must be calling to let me know that they had found out the sex of the baby. I called and he told me after no small amount of stalling and teasing, that they are expecting a little girl!!
The bad news came a few hours later when my mom called to tell me that Ms. Dowlin, my 6th grade English teacher, died this morning of complications from kidney failure.
It's a sad moment for me. Ms. Dowlin was a quirky woman: she had her moody moments, she was never married as long as I knew her, she was absolutely addicted to coloring her hair, which naturally would have been pure white even 14 years ago (!!!) when I was in sixth grade, and she was a genius at the piano and regularly played the organ at her church. But when mom told me a couple of days ago that she wasn't expected to live much longer, I got to thinking, as one does in those moments, about what I would miss about her. Here's what I settled on: Ms. Dowlin was the first teacher who "got" me.
Now, this is not to say that I didn't have other wonderful teachers before then -- I was blessed with a whole series of loving, devoted teachers, some of whom kept up with me throughout high school. My kindergarten teacher even came to my high school graduation party! And even now, a couple of my elementary school teachers attend my dad's church, and are just the sweetest women, whose contribution to my education I cherish.
But Ms. Dowlin was different. She saw a slightly spacey, none-too-popular girl who read voraciously to the point that she neglected her other work, and she understood me. She took extra time to talk with my folks about how best to address my "issues;" she worked hard to help me succeed. She laughed that I was the only student she'd ever had to forbid bringing a book to class. She challenged me to write well, to be creative, to work hard at things I was passionate about and get through the rest. She encouraged me, even in her gruff way, to keep reading as widely and deeply as I could, asking me questions about the books I was interested in and suggesting others I might enjoy.
So today's post is in honor of little Katie Roberts, to be born sometime this summer, and in loving memory of Ms. Trudy Dowlin, my sixth grade English teacher.
The good news came when my phone buzzed and told me that I had a voicemail from my sister-in-law. My brother's voice actually came over the line, and he sounded so excited and said, "Call us back, call us back... we have some news..." I knew, of course, that they must be calling to let me know that they had found out the sex of the baby. I called and he told me after no small amount of stalling and teasing, that they are expecting a little girl!!
The bad news came a few hours later when my mom called to tell me that Ms. Dowlin, my 6th grade English teacher, died this morning of complications from kidney failure.
It's a sad moment for me. Ms. Dowlin was a quirky woman: she had her moody moments, she was never married as long as I knew her, she was absolutely addicted to coloring her hair, which naturally would have been pure white even 14 years ago (!!!) when I was in sixth grade, and she was a genius at the piano and regularly played the organ at her church. But when mom told me a couple of days ago that she wasn't expected to live much longer, I got to thinking, as one does in those moments, about what I would miss about her. Here's what I settled on: Ms. Dowlin was the first teacher who "got" me.
Now, this is not to say that I didn't have other wonderful teachers before then -- I was blessed with a whole series of loving, devoted teachers, some of whom kept up with me throughout high school. My kindergarten teacher even came to my high school graduation party! And even now, a couple of my elementary school teachers attend my dad's church, and are just the sweetest women, whose contribution to my education I cherish.
But Ms. Dowlin was different. She saw a slightly spacey, none-too-popular girl who read voraciously to the point that she neglected her other work, and she understood me. She took extra time to talk with my folks about how best to address my "issues;" she worked hard to help me succeed. She laughed that I was the only student she'd ever had to forbid bringing a book to class. She challenged me to write well, to be creative, to work hard at things I was passionate about and get through the rest. She encouraged me, even in her gruff way, to keep reading as widely and deeply as I could, asking me questions about the books I was interested in and suggesting others I might enjoy.
So today's post is in honor of little Katie Roberts, to be born sometime this summer, and in loving memory of Ms. Trudy Dowlin, my sixth grade English teacher.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Oh, This is Good.
This is a fantastic follow-up to my previous article (which, ahem, was recently published in my hometown newspaper). What CAN I do? Well, this is a pretty good start. Check it out (from Five Aspects of Woman by Barbara Mouser via Boundless):
Mistress of the Domain (Genesis 1) — Woman, like man, is created in God's image and has authority from God to rule, subdue and be productive. Because of sin, however, she both "abuses and abandons" her call to stewardship (characterized by manipulation, pride and domination, biblical example: Jezebel). As she is sanctified, she reclaims, with the help of the Holy Spirit, the areas of responsibility God has given her (her home, her studies, her work, her marriage, her children, etc.) to God's glory (characterized by humility, hope and productivity, biblical example: the Shunammite woman).
Helper-Completer (Genesis 2) — "Woman, from the man and for the man, completes him in his person and his work. As helper, she provides partnership in work, fellowship in body and spirit and membership in marriage." In our spirituality, at the foot of the cross, man and woman are alike. Both are in need of a savior, both able to accept salvation and find fullness in Christ. But in our humanity, male and female are different. Under the curse of sin, we are competitors. Once redeemed, we are complementary: a man, by God's design, needs help. A woman needs to give help. We fit together like pieces of a puzzle.
Lifegiver (Genesis 3) — God created women uniquely to literally bring forth new life. The ability to bear children is the obvious mark of His design. Women are also designed to nurture (this includes married and single women). Marred by sin, women despise, neglect or smother their children. The extreme example being abortion. The redeemed woman "does all she can to alleviate the suffering of others ... and eagerly seeks to have children, both physically and spiritually."
Lady of Wisdom (Proverbs 1-9, 31) — "Wisdom is the body of God's creation principles." In the book of Proverbs "she is personified as a woman." As created by God, she is the "inviter and hostess, reprover and teacher, counselor, protectress, patron and friend." In our fallen state, women model not wisdom, but folly. They deny Truth and do what feels right, rather than what is right (biblical examples: Eve, Delilah, Potiphar's wife and the Proverbs woman of folly). Once redeemed, women can become wise by mastering skills and studying to develop their minds. Skillful and intellectual women are in a position to influence their world for God's kingdom (biblical examples: Proverbs 31 wife; Ruth; Esther and the wise woman of Abel).
Glory of Man (1 Corinthians 11, Ephesians 5) — As created, woman "glorifies her husband and her heavenly King with submission, adornment, purity and love. She emulates the Church's membership, as her husband emulates Christ's headship." In her fallen state, woman makes her beauty an end in itself, leading ultimately to ugliness (shame, lust, pride and sexual perversion, for examples; see Isaiah 3 and Ezekiel 16). Once redeemed, a woman is free to use her beauty for the benefit of her heavenly father and when married, for her husband.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
What CAN I Do, Then?
Much as we claim to hate them, there's something kind of appealing about the simplicity of rules, isn't there? Do Not Feed The Lions. 45 MPH. Keep Off The Grass. Simple. There are people whose careers have been dedicated to figuring out rules for other peoples lives: advice columnists abound. There's even a book called The Rules. Heck, there's an entire genre!
Here's the quandary: as believers, our lives are no longer defined by our adherence to the law. God's word makes it perfectly clear that we cannot live up to the standards God has set, but that Christ came in flesh and obeyed God's law to the letter in our stead.
But I like rules. I would love it if someone would just tell me exactly how I'm supposed to behave.
So, rather than striving for Christlikeness, for actions defined and bounded by grace and characterized by love, I make myself a little rulebook. Don't look at x. Don't say x. Don't think about x. Don't do x. This much of x is all right, but this much is too much. No flirting. No romance novels. No ice cream.
With all that running through my mind, is it any wonder that I stopped today and wondered, "Well, what CAN I do, then?" It's a seriously frustrating issue to me, especially in the context of a particular circumstance right now. You might be surprised how difficult it is to figure out how to act when all you have to go on are injunctions. It's like a professor who gives a writing assignment, and when you ask for help he tells you, "It shouldn't be written in Swahili and it can't be about the 17th century Spanish monarchy." Not helpful.
In my daily interactions, I've discovered that the Law of Christ is harder. Far from being an easier way to live, Christian freedom is much more complicated and mentally taxing than legalism. It requires that I search God's word. It requires prayer. It requires discernment, and accountability, and community. It results in mistakes, sometimes mistakes I don't even realize until later. But it also produces humility, maturity, wisdom, deep friendships, equanimity, contentment, and joy. It causes me to trust the Lord, because there's not always crystal-clear dictation in Scripture for the minutiae of life (by which I mean, there's no 3 Corinthians 8:14 that says, "And to my single sisters I say, not I but the Lord, that thou shalt behave thusly toward cute boys..." Although, wouldn't that be kinda awesome? Anyway).
"This side of heaven," as my dad says, I'll never have it all figured out. I'll continue to fail in how I strive to be like Christ. But I praise God that he is already at work, never sleeping, always faithful, until I am conformed to the image of his Son.
Here's the quandary: as believers, our lives are no longer defined by our adherence to the law. God's word makes it perfectly clear that we cannot live up to the standards God has set, but that Christ came in flesh and obeyed God's law to the letter in our stead.
But I like rules. I would love it if someone would just tell me exactly how I'm supposed to behave.
So, rather than striving for Christlikeness, for actions defined and bounded by grace and characterized by love, I make myself a little rulebook. Don't look at x. Don't say x. Don't think about x. Don't do x. This much of x is all right, but this much is too much. No flirting. No romance novels. No ice cream.
With all that running through my mind, is it any wonder that I stopped today and wondered, "Well, what CAN I do, then?" It's a seriously frustrating issue to me, especially in the context of a particular circumstance right now. You might be surprised how difficult it is to figure out how to act when all you have to go on are injunctions. It's like a professor who gives a writing assignment, and when you ask for help he tells you, "It shouldn't be written in Swahili and it can't be about the 17th century Spanish monarchy." Not helpful.
In my daily interactions, I've discovered that the Law of Christ is harder. Far from being an easier way to live, Christian freedom is much more complicated and mentally taxing than legalism. It requires that I search God's word. It requires prayer. It requires discernment, and accountability, and community. It results in mistakes, sometimes mistakes I don't even realize until later. But it also produces humility, maturity, wisdom, deep friendships, equanimity, contentment, and joy. It causes me to trust the Lord, because there's not always crystal-clear dictation in Scripture for the minutiae of life (by which I mean, there's no 3 Corinthians 8:14 that says, "And to my single sisters I say, not I but the Lord, that thou shalt behave thusly toward cute boys..." Although, wouldn't that be kinda awesome? Anyway).
"This side of heaven," as my dad says, I'll never have it all figured out. I'll continue to fail in how I strive to be like Christ. But I praise God that he is already at work, never sleeping, always faithful, until I am conformed to the image of his Son.
Friday, September 14, 2007
"Upon my word," said her Ladyship,
"You give your opinion very decidedly for so young a person."
Check out Christine's post about women's fears and motivations before marriage, and her gracious tempering of her position a few days (and sixty-six comments) later. CAUTION: the type of frank and honest language Christine uses means that men (and single gals) might not find this helpful.
Check out Christine's post about women's fears and motivations before marriage, and her gracious tempering of her position a few days (and sixty-six comments) later. CAUTION: the type of frank and honest language Christine uses means that men (and single gals) might not find this helpful.
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