Why do I always think I'll have LOADS of time and brain power to work on the blog while I'm on vacation? You'd think that after twenty-whatever years of writing rubbish in my spare time, I'd have learned that vacation = no desire to think any thoughts beyond, "Ooh! I wonder if I can watch reruns of America's Next Top Model online somewhere while I drink my third cup of tea?" (Answer: obviously.)
Anyway, I will get back to that Very Serious Topic I started the other day or week, soon. Sometime before Lent is over. In the meantime, please visit Angus and nag him to post some more (football season is starting, Angus, and your reading public DEMANDS a really dishy footy/gossip post), or get out some tissues and read this touching post about Dave Brubeck, or go vote in the Fug Madness Sweet Sixteen, or something. Maybe tomorrow I'll have... oh, you know what, never mind. I'll be back tomorrow with some other nonsense.
Showing posts with label wasting time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wasting time. Show all posts
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Friday, January 30, 2009
Um...Yeah... Totally Unrelated to Kitchen Keeping at All
So, the movie He's Just Not That Into You comes out February 6th in the U.S. Having read excerpts of the book and knowing the general premise (namely that a man who likes a woman goes after her, therefore if he doesn't go after her, he isn't interested in her), I'm predisposed to like it already.
Potential pros of this movie:
good plot premise
awkwardness
Justin Long
Ginnifer Goodwin
seriously, Ben Affleck is in this movie? Where the crap has he been the last five years?
Potential cons of this movie:
cheesiness
over-awkwardness
Drew Barrymore
Drew Barrymore is a terrible actress
She also is awkward
She's also not very bright-seeming
Also Drew Barrymore.
But anyway...
This video definitely increased the probability that I will drop ten bucks to go see HJNTIY. It's about six minutes long, and it's called "10 Chick-Flick Cliches You Won't Find in He's Just Not That Into You."* It stars three of the male leads, who act out the ten chick-flick cliches, complete with soaring violins and green-screen backgrounds. Classic!
*Caution: N particularly SFW as it contains one bleeped but still recognizable off-color remark.
Potential pros of this movie:
good plot premise
awkwardness
Justin Long
Ginnifer Goodwin
seriously, Ben Affleck is in this movie? Where the crap has he been the last five years?
Potential cons of this movie:
cheesiness
over-awkwardness
Drew Barrymore
Drew Barrymore is a terrible actress
She also is awkward
She's also not very bright-seeming
Also Drew Barrymore.
But anyway...
This video definitely increased the probability that I will drop ten bucks to go see HJNTIY. It's about six minutes long, and it's called "10 Chick-Flick Cliches You Won't Find in He's Just Not That Into You."* It stars three of the male leads, who act out the ten chick-flick cliches, complete with soaring violins and green-screen backgrounds. Classic!
*Caution: N particularly SFW as it contains one bleeped but still recognizable off-color remark.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
The Omnivore's Hundred
Thanks to Jen at Last Night's Dinner (my absolute favorite food blog -- check it out and you'll see why) for this fun meme, which she got from Very Good Taste. Instructions follow:
1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.
The VGT Omnivore’s Hundred:
1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding (Sick. Blood and oats in a casing. Wrong.)
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns (Mmmm, my favorite thing in
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes (Like every year since I was born… duh.)
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras (And it had exactly the same texture as the mushroom soup part of green bean casserole. I.e., not good.)
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper (That would just be stupid.)
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters (well… AN oyster, and it was not pleasant. It looks like a loogie floating in dishwater. The texture is the most appalling I’ve ever experienced. Really, there are no words to describe how disturbing it is.)
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36.
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly (would it taste like anything except sweet?)
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more (not a crossout, but whisky = yuck)
46. Fugu (Meh. Bourdain said it was boring, and if you can’t trust Bourdain, who can you trust?)
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin (*shudder* Texture!!)
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone (see 50. But I’m curious, because what’s-her-name in
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal (Oh, the shame! But never, ever again.)
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini (Cocktail lovers, turn your heads. I hate gin. It tastes like something you’d remove paint with.)
58. Beer above 8% ABV (Um, duh…)
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips (Unfortunately, and only because Guy Curlee was allergic to chocolate… and everything else.)
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads (Not a crossout, but somebody would have to convince me that they’re just divine, because those things are GLANDS. GLANDS, people!)
63. Kaolin (isn’t that a kind of clay?)
64. Currywurst
65. Durian (No, no, absolutely no. Never. Why would you eat a fruit that smells like feta cheese and ammonia?)
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis (Maybe one bite, on a dare.)
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette (“Chitterlings”? My, my, aren’t we fancy? I believe the correct term is “Chitlins,” y’all.)
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini (I’m not a huge fan of the caviar. Texture thing again, I think.)
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu (I have a weird feeling this wouldn’t be delicious
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant. (Where do I sign up for this?)
85.
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse (I seriously cried when Eight Belles broke her leg at the Derby and had to be put down on the track. I made my parents change the channel so I wouldn’t have to watch her owner, trainer, and jockey sobbing. Do YOU think I’d eat horse?)
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor (Lobster is just a meh for me. Maybe I just haven’t had the superlative lobster, but I dunno… seems like for something so expensive they oughta do the work for you.
98. Polenta
99.
100. Snake
Friday, August 15, 2008
Things I love and things I love not so much.
Things I love not so much right now:
People thinking their wedding is the perfect excuse to be the selfish brats they've always dreamt of being but were afraid to try. I'm going to write a book about this someday, I swear, and one of the chapters is going to be called, "Your Wedding Day: Celebration, not Extortion."
Allergies. How can my nose be stuffy AND runny at the same time? Hmm?
Having to move at the end of the month. Do you think that if I just pretend it's not really happening, my stuff will all just miraculously box itself up and find its way to the condo I'm hoping to buy? Hey! That'd make the house-hunting process a lot quicker! I'd just have to call around to the folks who own the places I'm looking at and ask if a whole truckload of stuff just materialized in their living room!
Things I love right now (so as to end the post on a more cheerful note):
The Dick Van Dyke Show. I actually love this all the time -- it's a truly one-of-a-kind show. A sitcom that portrays the American family as it might have been, if only: a smart, clever, successful husband with a loving, supportive wife, an unfailingly hilarious premise (comedy writer whose life is often funner than his job), and some of the best supporting characters ever to softshoe, sing, and hurl oneliners in the background make it my absolute favorite. The first two seasons are available at hulu.com for free streaming. Best Episodes: the "Walnuts" one, Richard "Rosebud" Petrie, the haunted cabin episode, and anything with a flashback to Rob and Laura's Army/USO days.
Having a job (see also: Classical education).
Michael Phelps. I know, I know... not very original. But have YOU ever found yourself spellbound by a swimming competition before? That's what I thought.
Tomatoes. For reeeeeeal. This week I've had an organic Brandywine and an organic Cherokee Purple from my friends Justin and Stacey's garden (both of which were delectable, but let's be honest. It's Justin's garden.), as well as a beautiful and exceptionally delicious tomato of some faintly heirloomish variety that I sliced, salted, and ate alongside a few tiny nubs of fresh mozzarella. For supper.
People thinking their wedding is the perfect excuse to be the selfish brats they've always dreamt of being but were afraid to try. I'm going to write a book about this someday, I swear, and one of the chapters is going to be called, "Your Wedding Day: Celebration, not Extortion."
Allergies. How can my nose be stuffy AND runny at the same time? Hmm?
Having to move at the end of the month. Do you think that if I just pretend it's not really happening, my stuff will all just miraculously box itself up and find its way to the condo I'm hoping to buy? Hey! That'd make the house-hunting process a lot quicker! I'd just have to call around to the folks who own the places I'm looking at and ask if a whole truckload of stuff just materialized in their living room!
Things I love right now (so as to end the post on a more cheerful note):
The Dick Van Dyke Show. I actually love this all the time -- it's a truly one-of-a-kind show. A sitcom that portrays the American family as it might have been, if only: a smart, clever, successful husband with a loving, supportive wife, an unfailingly hilarious premise (comedy writer whose life is often funner than his job), and some of the best supporting characters ever to softshoe, sing, and hurl oneliners in the background make it my absolute favorite. The first two seasons are available at hulu.com for free streaming. Best Episodes: the "Walnuts" one, Richard "Rosebud" Petrie, the haunted cabin episode, and anything with a flashback to Rob and Laura's Army/USO days.
Having a job (see also: Classical education).
Michael Phelps. I know, I know... not very original. But have YOU ever found yourself spellbound by a swimming competition before? That's what I thought.
Tomatoes. For reeeeeeal. This week I've had an organic Brandywine and an organic Cherokee Purple from my friends Justin and Stacey's garden (both of which were delectable, but let's be honest. It's Justin's garden.), as well as a beautiful and exceptionally delicious tomato of some faintly heirloomish variety that I sliced, salted, and ate alongside a few tiny nubs of fresh mozzarella. For supper.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Triumph!
At long last, triumph!
The Lord has recently been teaching me humility when it comes to my cooking. I've really taken pride in my culinary ability, but after a long period of failures and semi-failures in the kitchen, I've had three in a row that were total successes. Finally! I'm so excited.
First: White bean soup with Swiss Chard. An invention based on the fact that I wanted soup and had homemade chicken stock, canned cannellini beans (white Italian kidney beans), and a giant bunch of organic Swiss chard on hand. It turned out so luscious and satisfying, not to mention gorgeous.
Second: Russian black rye. I was honestly a bit worried about this one when it came out of the oven -- the crust hadn't set the way I hoped it would, and it felt very heavy! But I sliced into it while still warm, and it was so flavorful and delicious, with a perfect, even, dense texture. The recipe is one from an NPR story about a woman's relationship with her Russian husband's family and the delicious food she learned to make. I did make a couple of minor substitutions (cocoa powder instead of unsweetened chocolate) and omissions (shallot, cumin seed), but followed the recipe with some care otherwise -- a bit unusual for me.
Third: Whole wheat crackers. I'm obsessed with crunchy things (particularly crunchy, sour things... which reminds me that I have kosher dills in my fridge... be right back... mmmm). So I was surfing around allrecipes.com for a good cracker recipe, and found these, a basic-but-tweakable cracker to which I added rosemary, garlic, black pepper, and hot Hungarian paprika, and used olive oil instead of vegetable oil. They turned out savory and snackable -- plus the fact that I chose every ingredient that went into them -- no scary hydrogenated oil, no weird, unpronounceable chemicals.
Whew! I was beginning to doubt myself there for a second!
The Lord has recently been teaching me humility when it comes to my cooking. I've really taken pride in my culinary ability, but after a long period of failures and semi-failures in the kitchen, I've had three in a row that were total successes. Finally! I'm so excited.
First: White bean soup with Swiss Chard. An invention based on the fact that I wanted soup and had homemade chicken stock, canned cannellini beans (white Italian kidney beans), and a giant bunch of organic Swiss chard on hand. It turned out so luscious and satisfying, not to mention gorgeous.
Second: Russian black rye. I was honestly a bit worried about this one when it came out of the oven -- the crust hadn't set the way I hoped it would, and it felt very heavy! But I sliced into it while still warm, and it was so flavorful and delicious, with a perfect, even, dense texture. The recipe is one from an NPR story about a woman's relationship with her Russian husband's family and the delicious food she learned to make. I did make a couple of minor substitutions (cocoa powder instead of unsweetened chocolate) and omissions (shallot, cumin seed), but followed the recipe with some care otherwise -- a bit unusual for me.
Third: Whole wheat crackers. I'm obsessed with crunchy things (particularly crunchy, sour things... which reminds me that I have kosher dills in my fridge... be right back... mmmm). So I was surfing around allrecipes.com for a good cracker recipe, and found these, a basic-but-tweakable cracker to which I added rosemary, garlic, black pepper, and hot Hungarian paprika, and used olive oil instead of vegetable oil. They turned out savory and snackable -- plus the fact that I chose every ingredient that went into them -- no scary hydrogenated oil, no weird, unpronounceable chemicals.
Whew! I was beginning to doubt myself there for a second!
Monday, February 25, 2008
Ten Things I Noticed While Watching The Oscars.
1. Jon Stewart is a gift to the world. Funny without being either too crass or too cutting. Human, as evidenced by the fact that he brought out that lovely Marketa to finish her acceptance speech. Sort of adorable. Very self-deprecating. Managed to make a political joke or two that everyone could laugh at, from that groan-inducing short-doc winner lady right down to Charlton Heston.
2. I love Irish people. When Marketa Irglova and Glen Hansard came out to accept their Oscar for best song, Glen was all teary and verklempt and fabulous, exhorting us all to Make Art! and by golly, I wanted to! I defy to you show me another soul on the planet more plaintive and convincing than a singing Irishman.
3. Jack Nicholson will never die. Seriously. He has been in that same seat at the Oscars for fifteen years and hasn't aged a day. Or changed his sunglasses. Or stopped making completely incoherent yet somehow inappropriate comments during his inevitable speech about... something...
4. Hilary Swank has big teeth.
...and, it would seem, a malfunctioning foundation garment. Ahem.
5. What is David Bowie doing at the Oscars? In a dress?
6. Remember when Colin Farrell used to be hot? When women all over the world were rendered defenseless by his suavitude and devil-may-careosity? In like 2001? Yeah, he hasn't washed his hair since then.
7. One of the "Oscar Escorts" (which is satisfyingly alliterative, don't you agree?) -- the girls who escort the winners into the wings -- forgot to put her Spanx on before she took to the stage. As any woman will tell you, no matter how thin you are, shiny gold satin + blinding TV-friendly lighting + the FRICKIN OSCARS, PEOPLE = you must wear something under your dress.
8. Miley Cyrus, alternatively known as Hannah Montana (right? Or is it one of those other ones?), Billy Ray "Achy-Breaky" Cyrus's fifteen-year-old daughter, was inexplicably a presenter last night. WHA? Why? And I hate to ding a teenager, though really the ding falls on her "stylist," but she has got to stop dressing like a former stripper who now wants to make herself seem like a serious actress. She's fifteen! Put her in some sweet, modest pastel thing, not a fire-engine-red gown with bad extensions and too much makeup! And the duck lips? Girl. Whoever told you that sticking your lips out makes you look sultry needs to look up the word "sultry" again. And remember that you are fifteen.
9. I'm with Heather -- Helen Mirren, don't you ever get tired of looking fabulous? Don't you ever want to throw on what Tilda/David/Annie up there has on (several garbage bags, I think, through which she has poked her very orange head, or perhaps a prop from a Vegas magic show) and just forget about the whole thing?
10. I saw a lot of strapless dresses last night, and, lovely as many of them were, they did nothing but rouse a desire to shout, "Hitch! It! Up!" at the screen. Seriously, don't these celebs have stylists or bodyguards or minders or something to whisper discreetly that the gown is heading south? They could even come up with some clever code. "Jessica, I think that's all the time we can give to Ryan Seacrest, and purple monkey dishwasher."
Welp, that's our Oscar roundup for the year, folks. All in all, I was glad it went on, and still don't care a fig about any of the films, and enjoyed laughing at Jon Stewart and rolling my eyes at Jack Nicholson, so a night well spent, I think.
2. I love Irish people. When Marketa Irglova and Glen Hansard came out to accept their Oscar for best song, Glen was all teary and verklempt and fabulous, exhorting us all to Make Art! and by golly, I wanted to! I defy to you show me another soul on the planet more plaintive and convincing than a singing Irishman.
3. Jack Nicholson will never die. Seriously. He has been in that same seat at the Oscars for fifteen years and hasn't aged a day. Or changed his sunglasses. Or stopped making completely incoherent yet somehow inappropriate comments during his inevitable speech about... something...
4. Hilary Swank has big teeth.
...and, it would seem, a malfunctioning foundation garment. Ahem.5. What is David Bowie doing at the Oscars? In a dress?
6. Remember when Colin Farrell used to be hot? When women all over the world were rendered defenseless by his suavitude and devil-may-careosity? In like 2001? Yeah, he hasn't washed his hair since then.
7. One of the "Oscar Escorts" (which is satisfyingly alliterative, don't you agree?) -- the girls who escort the winners into the wings -- forgot to put her Spanx on before she took to the stage. As any woman will tell you, no matter how thin you are, shiny gold satin + blinding TV-friendly lighting + the FRICKIN OSCARS, PEOPLE = you must wear something under your dress.8. Miley Cyrus, alternatively known as Hannah Montana (right? Or is it one of those other ones?), Billy Ray "Achy-Breaky" Cyrus's fifteen-year-old daughter, was inexplicably a presenter last night. WHA? Why? And I hate to ding a teenager, though really the ding falls on her "stylist," but she has got to stop dressing like a former stripper who now wants to make herself seem like a serious actress. She's fifteen! Put her in some sweet, modest pastel thing, not a fire-engine-red gown with bad extensions and too much makeup! And the duck lips? Girl. Whoever told you that sticking your lips out makes you look sultry needs to look up the word "sultry" again. And remember that you are fifteen.
9. I'm with Heather -- Helen Mirren, don't you ever get tired of looking fabulous? Don't you ever want to throw on what Tilda/David/Annie up there has on (several garbage bags, I think, through which she has poked her very orange head, or perhaps a prop from a Vegas magic show) and just forget about the whole thing?
10. I saw a lot of strapless dresses last night, and, lovely as many of them were, they did nothing but rouse a desire to shout, "Hitch! It! Up!" at the screen. Seriously, don't these celebs have stylists or bodyguards or minders or something to whisper discreetly that the gown is heading south? They could even come up with some clever code. "Jessica, I think that's all the time we can give to Ryan Seacrest, and purple monkey dishwasher."
Welp, that's our Oscar roundup for the year, folks. All in all, I was glad it went on, and still don't care a fig about any of the films, and enjoyed laughing at Jon Stewart and rolling my eyes at Jack Nicholson, so a night well spent, I think.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
I think it's high time...
...for another waste of time post.
First, Love Actually. Some people hate it -- Christine, for instance, detests Hugh Grant so much that you can hear the gag start before she finishes saying his name -- but I adore it. Quotes:
Second, how great is technology? I just got off the phone with Christine... well, off Skype with Christine. We talked for around an hour and a half for free with perfect clarity, which is way better than sending a letter that might get there six or eight weeks later, or typing an email that will be read whenever, or even chatting on an instant messenger. There's something about hearing a friend's voice. But isn't it strange and wonderful to think of having a real-time conversation with someone who lives on the other side of the world?
Third, I love Anthony Bourdain. Love. Love, love, love. I may, in fact, be IN love with him. I adore his shows, though sadly I never get to watch them, being cable-less as I am. He is a genius with both a pan and a pen. I love him for the same reason I love Dr. House -- he's perfectly, often brutally, honest in every situation, and yet has these moments where he's so human and tender and open. The mental censor works both ways, you see, so people who never filter what comes out of their mouths can't filter what those around them have access to. And I couldn't possibly agree more with his assessment of the Drunken Madam of the Brothel of Food-Adjacent Terrors, Sandra "COCKTAIL TIME!!!" Lee:
Honestly, people, in what universe is (pre-made angel food cake + canned frosting + only the white gum drops from 10 packages of gumdrops + approximately 7000 toothpicks) FOOD? Or (1 package white chocolate chips + 1/2 gallon whole milk + 1 pint heavy cream + 1 cup sugar + 1 bottle white chocolate liqueur + 2 cups peppermint schnapps) a DRINK? Her concoctions are stomach-turningly vile.
Judging from the processed sugar content of her... uh, let's call them "recipes" just for the heck of it, she is either A) a meth addict; B) trying to buy her way to the top of C&H's board of directors (which, combined with her penchant for extremely tv-inappropriate tops, makes me think she's got her sights set on a CEO's fortune, which would make her the Anna Nicole of the Food Network); C) suffering from the most severe case of hypoglycemia ever known to man; or D) an "Air-tarian," meaning she has never consumed a single mouthful of the slop she throws together. Or possibly all of the above.
What the Food Network programmers seem not to understand is that their shows are meant to be aspirational -- people are supposed to watch lovely Nigella or no-nonsense Alton or homey, friendly Ina and sigh fondly, dreaming of the day when they'll be able to whip up lemony linguine or crisp fried chicken or juicy roast for their families. Rachael Ray, with her quick, decidedly un-gourmet family suppers, ought to be the lowest on this aspirational totem pole. But instead they dredge up Sandra Lee, who pimps out brand-name processed garbage and calls it "semi-homemade." Microwaving Velveeta and taco seasoning inside a tortilla for 20 seconds hardly counts as dorm food, much less as semi-home-anything.
I could seriously go on and on about Stupid Sandra and her Domain of Processed Darkness, but I won't...
Anyway, that's about enough for one night. I've got another one in the hopper about food choices, stewardship of creation, and being an unrepentant omnivore, but it's long enough that it's going to have to wait. Movie quotes, technology, and Anthony Bourdain... I think that earns this post the label of "Random."
First, Love Actually. Some people hate it -- Christine, for instance, detests Hugh Grant so much that you can hear the gag start before she finishes saying his name -- but I adore it. Quotes:
Billy: Ask me anything you like; I'll tell you the truth.
DJ: Uh, best shag you ever had?
Billy: Britney Spears.
DJ: Wow...
Billy: (Snorts) Only kidding. She was rubbish.
Natalie: He said nobody was going to fancy a girl with thighs the size of big tree trunks. Not a nice guy, actually, in the end.
David: You know, being prime minister, I could just have him murdered.
Natalie: Thank you, sir, I'll think about it.
David: Do. The SAS are absolutely charming. Ruthless, trained killers are just a phone call away.
David: Anyway, I'm not sure that politics and dating go together.
The President: Really? I've never found that.
Karen: Now, which doll shall we give Daisy's little friend Emily? The one that looks like a transvestite, or the one that looks like a dominatrix?
Colin: Stateside, I am Prince William, without the weird family.
Daisy: We've been given our parts in the Nativity play.
Karen: And?
Daisy: I'm the lobster.
Karen: The lobster?
Daisy: Yeah!
Karen: In the nativity play?
Daisy: First lobster!
Karen: There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?
Daisy: Duh...
Second, how great is technology? I just got off the phone with Christine... well, off Skype with Christine. We talked for around an hour and a half for free with perfect clarity, which is way better than sending a letter that might get there six or eight weeks later, or typing an email that will be read whenever, or even chatting on an instant messenger. There's something about hearing a friend's voice. But isn't it strange and wonderful to think of having a real-time conversation with someone who lives on the other side of the world?
Third, I love Anthony Bourdain. Love. Love, love, love. I may, in fact, be IN love with him. I adore his shows, though sadly I never get to watch them, being cable-less as I am. He is a genius with both a pan and a pen. I love him for the same reason I love Dr. House -- he's perfectly, often brutally, honest in every situation, and yet has these moments where he's so human and tender and open. The mental censor works both ways, you see, so people who never filter what comes out of their mouths can't filter what those around them have access to. And I couldn't possibly agree more with his assessment of the Drunken Madam of the Brothel of Food-Adjacent Terrors, Sandra "COCKTAIL TIME!!!" Lee:
Pure evil. This frightening Hell Spawn of Kathie Lee and Betty Crocker seems on a mission to kill her fans, one meal at a time. She Must Be Stopped. Her death-dealing can-opening ways will cut a swath of destruction through the world if not contained. I would likely be arrested if I suggested on television that any children watching should promptly go to a wooded area with a gun and harm themselves. What’s the difference between that and Sandra suggesting we fill our mouths with Ritz Crackers, jam a can of Cheez Wiz in after and press hard? None that I can see. This is simply irresponsible programming. Its only possible use might be as a psychological warfare strategy against the resurgent Taliban--or dangerous insurgent groups. A large-racked blonde repeatedly urging Afghans and angry Iraqis to stuff themseles with fatty, processed American foods might be just the weapon we need to win the war on terror.
Honestly, people, in what universe is (pre-made angel food cake + canned frosting + only the white gum drops from 10 packages of gumdrops + approximately 7000 toothpicks) FOOD? Or (1 package white chocolate chips + 1/2 gallon whole milk + 1 pint heavy cream + 1 cup sugar + 1 bottle white chocolate liqueur + 2 cups peppermint schnapps) a DRINK? Her concoctions are stomach-turningly vile.
Judging from the processed sugar content of her... uh, let's call them "recipes" just for the heck of it, she is either A) a meth addict; B) trying to buy her way to the top of C&H's board of directors (which, combined with her penchant for extremely tv-inappropriate tops, makes me think she's got her sights set on a CEO's fortune, which would make her the Anna Nicole of the Food Network); C) suffering from the most severe case of hypoglycemia ever known to man; or D) an "Air-tarian," meaning she has never consumed a single mouthful of the slop she throws together. Or possibly all of the above.
What the Food Network programmers seem not to understand is that their shows are meant to be aspirational -- people are supposed to watch lovely Nigella or no-nonsense Alton or homey, friendly Ina and sigh fondly, dreaming of the day when they'll be able to whip up lemony linguine or crisp fried chicken or juicy roast for their families. Rachael Ray, with her quick, decidedly un-gourmet family suppers, ought to be the lowest on this aspirational totem pole. But instead they dredge up Sandra Lee, who pimps out brand-name processed garbage and calls it "semi-homemade." Microwaving Velveeta and taco seasoning inside a tortilla for 20 seconds hardly counts as dorm food, much less as semi-home-anything.
I could seriously go on and on about Stupid Sandra and her Domain of Processed Darkness, but I won't...
Anyway, that's about enough for one night. I've got another one in the hopper about food choices, stewardship of creation, and being an unrepentant omnivore, but it's long enough that it's going to have to wait. Movie quotes, technology, and Anthony Bourdain... I think that earns this post the label of "Random."
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Maybe Something Not So Serious
1. If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say?
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.... *wipes tears* No, seriously, have you seen a star in the East?
2. When was the last time you flew in a plane?
On my way home from Christmas.
3. What did the last text message you sent say?
That is actually confidential.
4. What features do you find most attractive in the opposite sex?
You really expect me to answer that? My parents read this blog!
5. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
Near? Answering all these questions. Set the bar low, that's my motto.
6. Shoe size?
Skis. 9.
7. Been to Mexico?
Juarez, in high school, for a mission trip where we built a house for a family in a barrio who were basically living in a glorified cardboard box with a dirt floor, and one of the girls on the trip started going out with the oldest son of the family we built the house for. Like the third day we were there. That boy was a flirt! He poured on the charming eyes every time a girl from our group came around, and he had some of them in quite a tizzy. Play on, playa! Anyways, Romeo and Juliet kept sneaking off to another street in the barrio to... have deep conversations or something? -- she didn't speak a word of Spanish and he didn't speak a word of English. But the leaders only caught them snogging once... weird. I haven't thought about that in kind of a while. Next!
8. When is the last time you had a massage?
Hmmm... it's been awhile. I'm not really a fan. This question was kind of a downer compared to the last one. I don't have any good massage stories.
9. What was the last TV show you watched?
Oh, America's Test Kitchen, just like I do every Saturday morning.
10. What are your plans for the weekend?
Finishing up my dadgum laundry. It's a disease. I can get it washed, dried, and folded, but I'll be darned if I can get it put away.
11. If your significant other asked you to marry them TODAY what would you say?
"Yes. Hang on, who are you?"
12. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
Never you mind.
13. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Cracka please. I was sleeping.
14. If you could marry any celebrity today who would it be?
Your mom.
15. Have you ever been to a strip club?
That is the most awesomely random question ever. How many men really do these things, especially strip-club-aged men? Seriously, I'll bet 99% of these waste of time surveys are filled out by people aged 12-17, and women. Which... strip club? Come on.
16. What is the best ice cream flavor?
I'm a pretty big fan of Chunky Monkey, but Graeter's pumpkin spice I was pretty obsessed with over the holidays -- Carrie Yager could give me a witness. Good gravy, that stuff was awesome. Oh, and Haagen-Dazs mango sorbet.
17. What is the last sporting event you watched?
Went to a Denver Nuggets game when I was home for Christmas. It was AWESOME.
18. Ever go camping?
What? No way. I'm pretty addicted to running water and, like, electricity and stuff.
19. Last phone call?
From Kelsey, returning my call, all distracted because she was fixin' to go pick up her husband. He had been out of town for 3 1/2 days, and it was the longest they'd ever been apart in five years of marriage. She was so excited!!
20. Are you allergic to anything?
(See #14)
21. What is one thing you have learned about life recently?
That God is completely faithful. That His word comes alive when I realize have nothing else to cling to. That His purposes will prevail. That He is committed to my sanctification. That my identity in Christ is who I really am.
22. What do you do at work?
Chaos abatement.
23. What is your mom's name?
Debbie. Isn't that so cute? She totally matches her name. I have the cutest mom.
24. Ever cried for no reason?
Depends on how you define "no reason." I always feel like there's a reason. But I'm definitely a crier. I'm such a crier, I'm like John Cryer.
25. Can you do the Crank Dat dance?
I have no blessed idea what you are talking about.
26. What is your favorite color to wear?
Turquoise. Something in the cool bluish family. Or black. I'm, like, so emo.
27. What is the longest plane ride you have ever been on?
San Fransisco to Hong Kong. 15 and 1/2 hours. Holy crap, you guys.
28. What is the longest road trip you have ever taken?
I drove from Louisville to Sterling in two days, by myself. But we used to drive from Sterling to Indianapolis once or twice a year when I was a kid, so...
29. What are your turn-offs?
Dishonesty. Taking yourself too seriously. That hipster ironic detachment crap so many people in my generation seem to think is, like, SO painfully cool. Manipulation. Smugness.
30. What was your last alcoholic beverage?
An Avery 13. Don't mess with the beer snob.
31. What are you craving right now?
Should I be real spiritual and say the return of Christ? That's actually pretty true.
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.... *wipes tears* No, seriously, have you seen a star in the East?
2. When was the last time you flew in a plane?
On my way home from Christmas.
3. What did the last text message you sent say?
That is actually confidential.
4. What features do you find most attractive in the opposite sex?
You really expect me to answer that? My parents read this blog!
5. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
Near? Answering all these questions. Set the bar low, that's my motto.
6. Shoe size?
Skis. 9.
7. Been to Mexico?
Juarez, in high school, for a mission trip where we built a house for a family in a barrio who were basically living in a glorified cardboard box with a dirt floor, and one of the girls on the trip started going out with the oldest son of the family we built the house for. Like the third day we were there. That boy was a flirt! He poured on the charming eyes every time a girl from our group came around, and he had some of them in quite a tizzy. Play on, playa! Anyways, Romeo and Juliet kept sneaking off to another street in the barrio to... have deep conversations or something? -- she didn't speak a word of Spanish and he didn't speak a word of English. But the leaders only caught them snogging once... weird. I haven't thought about that in kind of a while. Next!
8. When is the last time you had a massage?
Hmmm... it's been awhile. I'm not really a fan. This question was kind of a downer compared to the last one. I don't have any good massage stories.
9. What was the last TV show you watched?
Oh, America's Test Kitchen, just like I do every Saturday morning.
10. What are your plans for the weekend?
Finishing up my dadgum laundry. It's a disease. I can get it washed, dried, and folded, but I'll be darned if I can get it put away.
11. If your significant other asked you to marry them TODAY what would you say?
"Yes. Hang on, who are you?"
12. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
Never you mind.
13. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Cracka please. I was sleeping.
14. If you could marry any celebrity today who would it be?
Your mom.
15. Have you ever been to a strip club?
That is the most awesomely random question ever. How many men really do these things, especially strip-club-aged men? Seriously, I'll bet 99% of these waste of time surveys are filled out by people aged 12-17, and women. Which... strip club? Come on.
16. What is the best ice cream flavor?
I'm a pretty big fan of Chunky Monkey, but Graeter's pumpkin spice I was pretty obsessed with over the holidays -- Carrie Yager could give me a witness. Good gravy, that stuff was awesome. Oh, and Haagen-Dazs mango sorbet.
17. What is the last sporting event you watched?
Went to a Denver Nuggets game when I was home for Christmas. It was AWESOME.
18. Ever go camping?
What? No way. I'm pretty addicted to running water and, like, electricity and stuff.
19. Last phone call?
From Kelsey, returning my call, all distracted because she was fixin' to go pick up her husband. He had been out of town for 3 1/2 days, and it was the longest they'd ever been apart in five years of marriage. She was so excited!!
20. Are you allergic to anything?
(See #14)
21. What is one thing you have learned about life recently?
That God is completely faithful. That His word comes alive when I realize have nothing else to cling to. That His purposes will prevail. That He is committed to my sanctification. That my identity in Christ is who I really am.
22. What do you do at work?
Chaos abatement.
23. What is your mom's name?
Debbie. Isn't that so cute? She totally matches her name. I have the cutest mom.
24. Ever cried for no reason?
Depends on how you define "no reason." I always feel like there's a reason. But I'm definitely a crier. I'm such a crier, I'm like John Cryer.
25. Can you do the Crank Dat dance?
I have no blessed idea what you are talking about.
26. What is your favorite color to wear?
Turquoise. Something in the cool bluish family. Or black. I'm, like, so emo.
27. What is the longest plane ride you have ever been on?
San Fransisco to Hong Kong. 15 and 1/2 hours. Holy crap, you guys.
28. What is the longest road trip you have ever taken?
I drove from Louisville to Sterling in two days, by myself. But we used to drive from Sterling to Indianapolis once or twice a year when I was a kid, so...
29. What are your turn-offs?
Dishonesty. Taking yourself too seriously. That hipster ironic detachment crap so many people in my generation seem to think is, like, SO painfully cool. Manipulation. Smugness.
30. What was your last alcoholic beverage?
An Avery 13. Don't mess with the beer snob.
31. What are you craving right now?
Should I be real spiritual and say the return of Christ? That's actually pretty true.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Sorry, sorry...
It's been such a long time since I posted anything of substance. I could cite work-busyness, dad being in town this week, community group and gospel classes starting back up but it's really all an excuse.
I have been pondering the (infant vs. believer's) baptism issue for a week or so, ever since several of us (including the thoughtful and brilliant Jamie Barnes, my favorite musician of all time) debated it this past Sunday, but I don't know if I'll write anything about it NOW. NOW it'll just look like I'm trying to ride Craig's coattails, dagnabbit!
While I make up my mind, head over to Mike's blog and pray for people to be generous in their support of his ministry. Or better yet, send him some money!
I have been pondering the (infant vs. believer's) baptism issue for a week or so, ever since several of us (including the thoughtful and brilliant Jamie Barnes, my favorite musician of all time) debated it this past Sunday, but I don't know if I'll write anything about it NOW. NOW it'll just look like I'm trying to ride Craig's coattails, dagnabbit!
While I make up my mind, head over to Mike's blog and pray for people to be generous in their support of his ministry. Or better yet, send him some money!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
